Friends, I need you to say something if somebody around you is saying or doing something transphobic. Even if it\u2019s awkward.<\/p>\n
I watched the BBC\u2019s coverage of the election night and they interviewed many Trump supporters. I know these people are not representative of voters as a whole, but just about every single one of them said, without embarrassment, on camera, that they were against transgender people. These folks are largely misinformed and afraid of a false picture of trans people.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s dark times in the world. If somebody starts talking badly about minority groups, it may not be just talk. They may be working themselves up to action. Maybe they’re going to say something mean or do something mean or cast a ballot. They may be trying to gauge what people around them think \u2013 to determine if there\u2019s consensus before they act. It\u2019s up to you to speak up. Firstly, to let them know there\u2019s not consensus. Secondly, depending on your relationship with them, to bring them around. Unfriending bigots has not worked out. We need, instead, to talk with them.<\/p>\n
The SPLC has a great resource on talking to bigots<\/a>. You should read it, but I\u2019m going to give you some trans-specific devices here as well. (Trigger warnings for trans people.)<\/p>\n If you think this is less important than climate change and nuclear proliferation, remember this is why people said they voted.<\/p>\n There are two easy sentences I want you to have ready, that help with many a situation. Memorise them, Practice them:<\/p>\n \u2018Trans women are women.\u2019 A lot of transphobia involves assertions that we are not really our current gender. We are. Be ready to say it directly.<\/p>\n This is a gentle way to challenge transphobia, but alas, is still very awkward. This makes it a good place to start.<\/p>\n In modelling you re-state what somebody just said but with correct language.<\/p>\n Them: I think Bradley Manning is a [hero\/traitor]. Them: He was Bradley when he leaked the documents. When talking about somebody trans, use their current name and pronouns. Don\u2019t say, \u2018When Bradley was a man.\u2019 Say, \u2018Before Chelsea transitioned.\u2019 This respects her current identity and helps keep people from tripping over pronouns. It\u2019s very hard to get the right pronouns for somebody if you keep switching them up depending on when you\u2019re talking about.<\/p>\n Perhaps your friend gets frustrated:<\/p>\n Them: This isn\u2019t important! We\u2019re friends. I\u2019m your trans friend. I\u2019m giving you permission to use me as rhetorical device in conversations. First we need to talk about when you can use this:<\/p>\n Them: Trans people are [ugly|crazy]. Yes! This is a good usage of having a trans friend \u2013 as a counter-example to a blanket assertion. <\/p>\n Them: I think what you just said may actually be kind of transphobic. No! Do not use me as a shield.<\/p>\n Them: Oh my god, the weather is too hot! No! Only bring this up where it\u2019s relevant.<\/p>\n Tl;dr: Bring up having a trans friend to challenge blanket assertions and stereotypes. <\/p>\n This is also a way to make things personal. If bigotry could be challenged by facts and statistics, it would already be over. Human connections are key to ending it. This is why Harvey Milk encouraged gay people to come out. Unfortunately, this strategy doesn\u2019t work as well for trans people, partly because there are so few of us. I need you, my friend, to help humanise us.<\/p>\n One place people have been campaigning against us is our access to toilets, bathrooms and changing rooms. This is specific to trans women, so having a trans man friend (me) won\u2019t be as useful, but I can give you some pointers.<\/p>\n If somebody you know starts talking about feeling uncomfortable about sharing facilities with trans people, remember your very first two sentences: Trans women are women. Trans men are men.<\/p>\n What we now call \u2018rape culture\u2019 used to be referred to as \u2018male violence.\u2019 Sometimes people will start talking about \u2018male bodied\u2019 people. But: trans women are women. Violence does not stem from bodies. If certain classes of bodies were the sources of violence, then there\u2019s no hope of ever combating it. It would be a biological fact. <\/p>\n Violence comes from culture. Rape culture is what Donald Trump has done and bragged about. It\u2019s not embedded in his physical form. <\/p>\n Trans women inhabit the cultural space of womanhood. Terms like \u2018female bodied\u2019 don\u2019t reflect cultural roles. They reflect only what a birth certificate said.<\/p>\n So how do you talk about this?<\/p>\n Them: I\u2019m worried about male bodied people in the changing room. You\u2019ve responded to their fears, you\u2019ve modelled a correct way to talk about trans people and you\u2019ve shown that trans women have fears in common with them. If you want to make a personal humanising connection as the conversation continues, that\u2019s where your trans friend comes in.<\/p>\n Again, I\u2019m not a trans woman. But I (and nearly every trans person I know) have had to physically run away from a scary transphobic incident in a toilet. When I use a public toilet, I get out as fast as possible, which is something I\u2019ve heard most of my trans friends say. Those of you who have been bullied in school bathrooms can relate to this, I\u2019m sure.<\/p>\n I\u2019ve also been barred entry to toilets. Being denied entry to one toilet did not give me access to the other toilet. I just wasn\u2019t allowed to pee at all. But when you\u2019ve got to go, you\u2019ve got to go! I used to make a habit of trying to hold it. Part of this involved drinking less water. I got some weird infection from chronic dehydration. Again, this is common among trans people.<\/p>\n If I\u2019m not allowed to pee when out about about, this limits how long I can stay outside my home. If I can\u2019t use a toilet at work or in the train station, I can\u2019t keep my job. Keeping trans people out of public or school toilets keeps us out of public and out of school. Special \u2018family\u2019 toilets are great for people who want them and we should build more of them, but they\u2019re not always available and mark us out. I\u2019m a man. I use the men\u2019s room.<\/p>\n I\u2019m sharing this so you can use it – because emotion and human connections matter more than facts and figures. This is not statistics, this is the life of someone you know. Make it personal.<\/p>\n Conversations are going to be awkward. The first one often won\u2019t change minds. If somebody says something and you\u2019re unsure how to respond, think about it later to come up with a better reply. <\/p>\n Even if it feels like you\u2019ve failed and made things uncomfortable, do remember that you have communicated a lack of consensus. This is important. <\/p>\n Also, if you spoke up in public \u2013 say, to challenge a sex change joke, you don\u2019t know who overheard you. Hearing jokes like that sucks. Hearing a subsequent challenge restores hope. <\/p>\n Feel free to share this. I will try to answer questions in the comments.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Friends, I need you to say something if somebody around you is saying or doing something transphobic. Even if it\u2019s awkward. Why This is Important I watched the BBC\u2019s coverage of the election night and they interviewed many Trump supporters. I know these people are not representative of voters as a whole, but just about … Continue reading Speaking up<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"activitypub_content_warning":"","activitypub_content_visibility":"","activitypub_max_image_attachments":4,"activitypub_interaction_policy_quote":"anyone","activitypub_status":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[10,24,25],"class_list":["post-4772","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorised","tag-politics","tag-trans","tag-transphobia"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.celesteh.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4772","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.celesteh.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.celesteh.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.celesteh.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.celesteh.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4772"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/www.celesteh.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4772\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4780,"href":"https:\/\/www.celesteh.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4772\/revisions\/4780"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.celesteh.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4772"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.celesteh.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4772"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.celesteh.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4772"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}Getting Started<\/h3>\n
\n\u2018Trans men are men.\u2019<\/p>\nModelling<\/h3>\n
\nYou: Why do you think Chelsea Manning is a [hero\/traitor]?<\/p>\n
\nYou: Yes, she leaked the documents before she transitioned.<\/p>\n
\nYou: It\u2019s important to trans people. I know my trans friend said\u2026<\/p>\nYou Have a Trans Friend<\/h3>\n
Scenario #1:<\/h4>\n
\nYou: My trans friend is [fairly unremarkably average looking | in ok mental health].<\/p>\nScenario #2:<\/h4>\n
\nYou: I have a trans friend!<\/p>\nScenario #3:<\/h4>\n
\nYou: My trans friend likes the heat.<\/p>\nBathrooms<\/h3>\n
\nYou: Trans women are also effected by rape culture.<\/p>\nKeep Trying<\/h3>\n
Finally<\/h3>\n