Instead of doing the many, many things that I need to do this week, I’ve been reading about premillenial dispensational estatology on wikipedia. Doesn’t that sound like something very scientific or researched and reasoned? See, esatology is the science of how many angels can dance on the head of a pin. Premillenial dispensationalists believe that normally<\/i> only so many angels will fit, but due to certain prophetic circumstances, infinite angels can be accommodated. (This in contrast to postmillenialists who believe . . . I forgot joke I was going to make here. I can’t even satirize something already so outrageous.)<\/p>\n
Ok, so those are a bunch of fancy words for trying to do sekrit magik with the bible. It’s got sekrit prophesies in it, which you can learn about in bible “college” or via wikipedia. Or via my coming potboiler end times novel. Thanks to my exhausting<\/strike> exhaustive research, I can now provide an very rough outline, including some character names and prophetically required plot points. It gets less structured as the tribulations drag on.<\/p>\nOutline<\/h4>\n
World Currency: Euro used for international trade
\nAntiChrist: Angel Caduto, head of UNICEF
\nWhore of Babylon – heads religion<\/p>\n
Back story: ww3 expanded Israel’s borders and lead to the breakup of the US<\/p>\n
Mary Sue is a very famous composer who teaches at the conservatory.
\nRalph teaches art at the art academy.<\/p>\n
WOB commissions memorial piece from MS for the disappeared at world-wide interfaith memorial. Calls for spiritual unity.<\/p>\n
Caduto calls for everyone to have an RFID chip implanted in them to make a better tracking system.<\/p>\n
Ralph goes back to Israel and joins sect making sacrifice on temple mound.<\/p>\n
WOB or Caduto reveals that all the adult disappeared were Christians and children. To insure the protection of those left, alcohol is required and xtianity is outlawed. “There is no heaven or hell, there is just survival!”<\/p>\n
War breaks out (war and rumors of same)<\/p>\n
giant earthquake (maybe change this to a meteor? “The sun goes dark, the moon turns blood-red, and meteors fall from the sky. “) 25% of those remaining die<\/p>\n
illegal religious group gets radio implants and organizes black market<\/p>\n
fire, smoke and sulphur hit<\/p>\n
Caduto is murdered along with 2 underground religious leaders and another political leader<\/p>\n
Caduto rises from the dead after 3 days – lightening storms. moves to temple<\/p>\n
Those who have UN RFID chips get sick from them<\/p>\n
Oceans turn to blood & rivers too and whatnot<\/p>\n
sun scortches<\/p>\n
darkness – (finally some relief from the sun. oh no, it’s dawn again and still august! augh!)<\/p>\n
Rivers dry up – which is probably not such a bad thing,s ince they’re full of blood<\/p>\n
giant hailstones (do these melt to restart the rivers?)<\/p>\n
Jesus comes back and kills a lot of people. (The lion of god, the prince of war. Reveals the Beatitudes were a bunch of bullshit thrown in to fool people who couldn’t crack the sekrit code, just like dinosaur bones, but for pacifists.) All the disappeared and killed underground folks come back to life. Zombies!!!!<\/p>\n
a bunch of other crazy shit happens. jeebus, USA foreign policy is based on this crap?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Instead of doing the many, many things that I need to do this week, I’ve been reading about premillenial dispensational estatology on wikipedia. Doesn’t that sound like something very scientific or researched and reasoned? See, esatology is the science of how many angels can dance on the head of a pin. Premillenial dispensationalists believe that … Continue reading Now that’s novel!<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"activitypub_content_warning":"","activitypub_content_visibility":"","activitypub_max_image_attachments":4,"activitypub_interaction_policy_quote":"anyone","activitypub_status":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[258,76,201],"class_list":["post-648","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorised","tag-apocalypse","tag-celesteh","tag-fiction"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.celesteh.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/648","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.celesteh.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.celesteh.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.celesteh.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.celesteh.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=648"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.celesteh.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/648\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2873,"href":"https:\/\/www.celesteh.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/648\/revisions\/2873"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.celesteh.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=648"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.celesteh.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=648"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.celesteh.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=648"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}