I am annoyed that I’m still asking the same questions I was asking when I was 12 and 17 years later, I still don’t have answers. Isn’t my saturn return supposed to be done by now? I was searching my blog archives yesterday for “gender binary” to find a quote by Cixous and damn if I don’t have hundreds of posts about it. “I’m fine with my body.” “I don’t know if I’m fine with my body.” “No, I really mean it, I’m fine.” “Well, I dunno.” “Fine! I’m fine!” “I’m really fine this time.” “I’m finally fine.” “Of course, things are great, fine, really.” yeah, periods of unsureness followed by protesting too much?<\/p>\n
[TMI warning Skip to next paragraph<\/a>] Friday night I was looking on the internets and pictures of naked men and damn are they’re kind of weird looking. Of course, they were models and I also think women models are kind of weird looking. I am annoyed that I’m still asking the same questions I was asking when I was 12 and 17 years later, I still don’t have answers. Isn’t my saturn return supposed to be done by now? I was searching my blog archives yesterday for “gender binary” to find a quote by Cixous and damn if … Continue reading oversharing while i procrastinate on chapter 20 and the uses of “devoir”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"activitypub_content_warning":"","activitypub_content_visibility":"","activitypub_max_image_attachments":4,"activitypub_interaction_policy_quote":"anyone","activitypub_status":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-982","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorised"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.celesteh.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/982","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.celesteh.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.celesteh.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.celesteh.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.celesteh.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=982"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.celesteh.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/982\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3229,"href":"https:\/\/www.celesteh.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/982\/revisions\/3229"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.celesteh.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=982"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.celesteh.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=982"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.celesteh.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=982"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nIf I do the academic route, I’ll be 30 when I start PhD program<\/a>, probably 35(?) when I finish, probably at least 40 when I get tenure, if I get tenure. My attempts to talk Cola into bearing my young have been for naught so far. So let’s say I go and have kids. I can either do it after coursework and god knows if I finish my thesis or I can do it during a sabbatical when I’m supposed to be publishing or something or I can wait until I’m too old. Or I can adopt, also when I’m kind of old.
\nAnd if I’m still having gender issues and have become reasonably convinced I’m not going to look like a “straight college guys” pron model, um, I can start tweaking my hormones, take a break from that, have a kid and go back to tweaking? Wait until I have a kid and then start tweaking while it’s still young? It’s so hard to figure out how to be a dad in a postmodernist society… ha ha ha.
\ntomorrow i’ll change my mind again. “i’m fine.” meanwhile, this biological clock ticking thing is a patriarchal lie designed to oppress women by creating a false dilemma where they are forced to chose between career goals and the supposedly “innate” desire to reproduce. Just ask me 10 years ago.
\nI think I might go to a support group for cross-dressers for one meeting before I’m off to europe. oh my god, i’m so weird.
\nTag: Celesteh<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"