Category: Uncategorised

I posted a comment to Nicole’s blog and I want to repete it here. It was in reply to Matt’s comment, which I will quote from: “there are MANY ASSHOLES IN THE WORLD. some of them are men, some of them are tall people, some of them have brown eyes, some of them are baptist. it’s so much simpler to just slap a label on someone and deal with them that way. . . . i’m just fucking fed up with misdirected hostility.” I feel like it’s appropriate to respond to this here, cuz some guys were unhappy about my facetious suggestion of creating a testosterone-targetting virus.

it’s true.

unfortunately, sometimes assholes organize. like white folks organized for a long time to keep black folks down with jim crow and whatnot. the people behind that were assholes, but they were assholes with power who organized according to their power structures.

and now we’ve got some problems with some male assholes and there’s a social power dynamic where men tend to have a certian sexual power over women, which is a bad thing. but some assholes like that and want to exploit it. and since the identity and power dynamic all centers around gender issues, the problem in this case is actually asshole men. and, unfortunately, many men, who are assholes like rush limbaugh and micheal savage and many conservative guys have adopted an ideology where they deserve power imblanaces and want to work to maintain it. that does create a “war between the sexes” sort of situation. this causes two seemingly paradoxical things: it creates value for women-only spaces and it creates a need for male allies. i mean, there’s no need for tall-only spaces cuz so far tall people have not organized to opress short people, at least in this country that i know of. however, men do organize to opress women. those men are assholes. and they must be stopped. since the dynamics are centered around gender and identity, then using gender labels is essential for the folks resisting the assholes.

so yeah, not all white folks are racist. not all men are sexist. but some are and there’s an imbalance of power. so the power to opress has to be taken away from men and white folks. unfortunately, because this power is social in nature, even men and white people who oppose this power imbalance end up benefitting from it. which is why having actions or events specific to the disempowered group at hand can be very empowering and useful for that group. this can cause some men to feel threatened, prolly because they sense somehow that it’s taking power away from them. so they write articles to hustler. or leer with cameras. or whatever.

unfortunately, in the case of dyke march, the no-men rule is only repected by allies and ignored by assholes. so really it’s a no-supportive-men rule. rather than give up on creating the march as a woman-only space where supportive men can cheer on from the sidelines, there’s got to be a way to convince asshole men not to march. i dunno how to do that.

but you know, men opressing women isn’t some isolated incident. it’s not one guy. it’s not disorganized assholes. it’s men with a particular ideology working to push it on the world couples with indoctorinated males working to maintain power they feel entitled to since birth. that’s a problem.

I want to say further that alliances are useful and attacking allies or would-be allies is not useful. i want everybody to work together and get along.
but sometimes that doesn’t work.
or other social forces take over. cuz the people trying to change the culture are still functioning within the culture.
so you end up with a group trying to advance black women being lead by white males.
that can happen way too easily.
also, all these -isms are tools of the elite ruling class. They create systems where one group of people has a bit of power over another group of people. So I can tell some white guy that all the presidents have been white men. But that guy isn’t in Skull and Bones and is never going to president either. The British land-owners can let the Protestants opress the Catholics while they buisly export all the food during a crop failure. And so the Catholics end up fighting the Scotch-Irish, another colonized group the Brits imported to help keep the Irish under control. Really, both groups should turn on the British landowners, but they’re too busy killing each other. And southern american slave-owners can appoint white overseers who have a smidgen of power the slaves to help disguise the fact that slaves and poor whites had a hell of a lot more in common with each other than poor whites had with the ruling class. That same dynamic happens now. And the Bushes and Saudis and the Bechtels laugh all the way to their Cayman Island accounts. So, yes, we need our heterosexual, white, male allies for when we rise up and destroy the ruling class. But you know, maybe we should work out some of these issues first so the the het white boys don’t end up just taking over…

Apparently, walking around in the San Francisco cold without a shirt on, drinking vodka to stay warm, is a good way to catch a cold. *sniffle* At least it was fun.

So I went across the country to go to music school. Why? Cuz I had already attended the best music school on the west coast. And also, alas, there are some cultural problems in the grad school. Specifically with the attitudes of male grad students. Undergrads hate grad boys. I hated grad boys. this illustrates why I hated grad boys and part of the reason I didn’t want to go to Mills to study composition for my masters. Mills need to radically adjust the cultural attitudes of the music department, or they will continue to have difficulty attracting women to their program. at a women’s college. It’s disgraceful.

Of course, there’s a perception in society at large that lesbians and women in general exist for the benefit of men. Dyke March provides some examples of that dynamic in action. The problem here is a sence of entitlement plus a massively sexist culture. San Francisco and Mills College are supposed to be and ought to be enlightened areas. But they’re not. why is it that I couldn’t imagine the above-linked Hustler Article coming from a wesleyan music grad boy (and wesleyan could provide the same material…as could probably any undergrad institution aside from Bob Jones), but when I saw it on T’s blog, I thought “must be a music student.”? I don’t think Mills used to be like that. In the glory days, in the 70’s, I dunno, I can’t imagine.

How Do We Fix This?

um, some mad scientist could come up with a disease that kills anybody whose testosterone levels are over some certain amount. Guys would have to stay calm and inoffensive or die of dred disease. What? Practical ideas? If you’ve got one, leave a comment. Obviously, we need to push a cultural shift.

Nader

I was standing in line to see Farenheit 9/11 and somebody was selling T-shirts which said, a “A vote for Nader is a vote for Bush.” Not true. For pete’s sake, if you’re upset at Bush, take it out on Bush, don’t turn on fellow leftists. But on the other hand . . .

What is Nader thinking? He’s not Green. He’s not building a third party movement. He’s not even spending any money. He’s not trying to win. He’s not going to win. He’s not representing a party or a principle or anything. He’s hurting the Greens, even. I voted for him once and I would have voted for him again if he were a Green and if he were serious. But he is neither of tose things. Is he on drugs? Does he just want to see his name in the paper? Is something wrong with him? Do we need to have an intervention?

Farenheit 9/11

the experience of seeing it in a leftist town

Saw it at the Grand Lake on the opening night. They are not enforcing the R rating, which is very nice. There was a carnival-like atmosphere waiting in line. Folks were registering people to vote. I signed up for an absentee ballot, finally. Other folks were holding anti-Bush signs. The theatre has politics on 1/3 of it’s marquee since the coup, so it seemed the best place to see it. Many other people apparently agreed, as the movie sold out every single showing on the first night and the line to get in streched around the entire block. I showed up an hour early and was not too close to the front.
An Oaklander is in the movie. He said something about Bush being an asshole at his gym and the FBI showed up to question him. Moore interviewed him at Lake Merrit. You can see the theatre in the background of some of the shots. woot.

Content

The movie is very nearly news, but has some editorial content. But much less than any of Moore’s other movies. The points he makes are well documented. He shies away from controversial assertions. The non-controversial points speak for themselves. You don’t need to say “Bush knew” to say “Bush exploited this.” It’s very well done. He addressed many important points. The movie does not have misleading edits. The only thing I would have changed is identifying administration officals all the time, cuz, yeah, I don’t watch TV news, I have now idea what Wolfowitz looks like. The movie is solid. Much more solid than his previous movies, really. I reccomend it.

Al Gore

I finally read the text of Al Gores democracy speech. (You can read it at Salon after watching a short ad. bleah) And the question: Where the hell were you during the last presidential election, you creep?! Yeah, all the points you make now are right on. But how could you just stand by and watch Bush steal the election? Why did you tell Jesse Jackson not to lead people down to Florida not to protest? Why couldn’t any of your colleagues in the senate co-sponsor a bill to challenge the election results? Why did you just stand there and watch African Americans get disenfrachised? Or was that it? Was it worth giving up the election for racism? Or, did somebody promise you something? Did you self-destruct for the hell of it? did your whole party just curl up and die? Or was there wheeling and dealing? Why did you do it?

The Supreme Court

Apparently it’s ok just to hold citizens with no charges. I think the court may be unaware of some amendments to the document that they’re supossed to interpret. Seriously, what the hell? This court is one of the worst that we’ve ever had. This is the worst president that we’ve ever had. Things are bad enough the very sensible and moderate Jon Caroll is starting to question whether the next election will be our last.
I’m going to say we’re in a constitutional crisis. It is widely ignored. This, maybe is not a new thing. It started with Reagan. But it’s gone farther now. Al Gore’s analysis is quite good. I would add, tho, that the supreme court is highly partisan now and doesn’t seem to care about the constitution at all. I can’t see a way out of this except for civil war, really. I mean, if the election isn’t stolen, Kerry might fix things, but I have low hopes. And a civil war, well, the biggest gun folks can get is 50 caliber. That could take down a helicopter. But the military will side with Bush. And I don’t see him hesitating to bomb blue states. He didn’t seem overly concerned about inciting North Korea to nuke the west coast. So, really, um, we’re doomed.

i got ’em. first folks to respond get them.

Google press release explaining what it is
People who love it
People who hate it
gmail.com

Today Ellen asked rhetorically, “where do we go when we die?” damned if i know. I think i’m having a crisis of faith, which is interesting as i didn’t think i beleived in anything. my cousin talked to dead people. she was heavily invested in the catholic cosmology, what with being a nun and all.

she was very left. very against opressive authority. the american embassy told her it was dangerous to join the catholic underground in prague, but she did it anyway. at the same time, she had taken vows as a nun. she subject herself to patriarchy. she resisted patriarchy. the underground in prague had a severe preist shortage and ordained at least one woman, who catherine knew. this woman priest was asked by the vatican not to say mass anymore after the wall fell. she obeyed but has written her biography. i don’t know anything else.
Catherine was arrested protesting US-backed attrocities. She worked the WHO and the National Science Foundation. She was outside the system. She was inside the system.
She was intensely spiritual. She talked about God over martinis. She got involved with Zen meditation and came to see non-silent prayer as a distraction. She was able to quiet her mind. She told somebody a few weeks ago that she was happier than she had ever been. I have no doubt that reached nirvana. I think she got to be too happy to be alive anymore. She became pure energy or something. At her funeral, I learned that the other nuns were as mystified by her and in awe of her as I was. After the graveside service, John O’Grady turned to the woman standing next to him and said, “I just have to spend the rest of my life trying to follow her example.” Sister Mary Eleizabeth agreed with him.
So how do I follow her example? I’m kind of radical right now. I avoid institutions that I see as corrupt as much as possible. So I avoid the catholic church because it’s terribly conservative. And I avoid the HRC because they’re too conservative. And I don’t like giving money to charities that seek to help the deserving poor, like habitat for humanity, because the “undeserving” poor need housing just as much and elevating a few individuals to the position of being owning class does not solve the problem of homelessness and poverty, it just helps a few individuals and makes a bunch of donors feel good about themselves.
so what am I doing exactly? Obviously, there’s a place inside the system to create change. Corporate Personhood, an issue I currently care about will not be overturned by street activists. It will be overturned by the courts after a lot of arguing by folks who have gone to law school, resisted indoctornation and passed the bar. I mean, with the help of street activists.
I’ve believed for a long time that radicals are important because they pull the debate towards themselves. They move the middle. The fringes don’t convince the mainstream, they convince people near the fringe. Radical leftists create a left-pulling ripple effect. Without radicals, radical thoughts would never become a reality. If you want sopmething to happen, you can’t sit around saying ti’s impossible, you have to do something. So what am I doing?
On the other hand, working inside systems . . . . Man, I dunno. I’m on the board of an arts nonprofit. I beleive strongly in their goals of advancing new music. The government ought to support the arts. Patronage is a traditional role of government. Adam Smitch said that the arts shouldn’t be traded like functional capitalist commodities because they were special and valuable and above the fray of supply and demand. But, oh well. And how does this help anything? I mean, radical ideas can come from radical artists. But isn’t it elitist to set up a special class of people to do art while others toil for wage slavery? I mean, are artists some sort of vangaurd of the proletariat? Are John Cage’s ideas about anarchy important because he wrote 4’33”?
I dunno. I dunno. where do we go when we die?

Cousin just died. Mom’s birthday. Bought a bike to make myself feel better. I mean, I think it’s a handy and useful bike, but anyway. Went to concert in a columbarium / mausoleum. Saw my bass teacher play. he is so great. walked around a bit. ran away and got food with Cola and Mitch. Came back to see Ellen play. She played very well. Felt overwhelmed by death. Went to Cato’s. Got drunk. Mitch took me to retrieve new bike from home. Went to Cola’s house. Imbibed further. Ameliorated the crushing pain of existence.

Woke up this morning and Cola’s apartment is very messy. It’s small and gets messy easily and cleans up fast. But it’s drunk messy the next morning. Felt like ugh. Stumbled around the apartment finding my clothes, feeling queasy. Biked back to truck. Drove home. Felt like barfing. Emailed bass teacher to say I was sick and would miss this mornings lesson.
I think that I’m not on the right track right now. no. now i will sleep.

today is the Garden of Memory Concert at the Oakland Columbarium, the Chapel of the Chimes. (vocabulary: columbarium noun – a building where the cremated remains of of deadfolks are kept above ground on shelves or whatnot. see mausoleum) Today is also my mother’s birthday.

Ellen is playing at the Chapel of the Chimes concert. Christi played last year. So this will be the second year in a row I have spent my mother’s birthday by graves that are not hers. I have never visited her grave.
Nevertheless, it was a very musically interesting event last year and will prolly be this year too. How it works is that performers pick out rooms in the columbarium and then set up and play in that room. There are many performers and many rooms. The audience walks through the space and listens to the concerts and installations that are set up. This happens every year on the summer solstice. So you get four hours of music by a bunch of different folks for $10 ($5 if yer a student).
So, while I have mixed feelings about this event for personal reasons, it will probably be very interesting and good. And you should go. In the 30 groups performing, you can certainly find somebody you like.

me: . . . and on the East Coast, people think I’m mellow . . .
my friends: hahahahahaha! Liar!
me: no really
my friends: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

and not everything is going to go my way. Many things will not go my way. But I still think I’m really lucky as far as things go. I mean, things could be much worse. Reagan could have actually started a nuclear war and I could be living in a post-apocalyptic wasteland. That would be lots worse. Immeasurably worse.

Still, things have not been going as well as they could be. And I don’t want to complain too much. The order of the universe is controlled by entropy, you know. It causes life, but it also causes death. It brings people together, but it tears them back apart. It’s just the way things are. There’s no point in complaining about it. So a bunch of things aren’t going my way. C’est la vie. A bunch of other things are going my way or have gone my way in the past. You know, it’s groovy that all the people who are leaving my life were ever in it. So really, I feel woe cuz I’ve been lucky.
Just the same, I feel like I’ve been smacked around kind of a lot in recent months. I don’t want to have any kind of sense of entitlement, but I would like to encourage some amelioration of some kind. And since you’re reading . . .
I really want to be able to compile supercollider routines as jMAX externals. Either that, or be able to drop jMax windows into supercollider. Because MAX (and jMAX) are really good at MIDI. And they’re great at quick and dirty, especially quick and dirty GUIs. Whereas, SuperCollider is really good at synthesis, scalability and data-handling. If you want somrthing to have lists or to have states and to synthesize sounds, SuperCollider is for you. If you want something that reads MIDI, that has an easy, decent GUI and can draw your waveform right on the screen and read your MIDI sliders as you wiggle the loop points until they look and sound right, why, jMax is your thing. If you want both, well, you either need to figure out SuperCollider’s somewhat obscure, but Java-like GUI libraries and weird MIDI classes or you need to deal with byzantine graphical connections and oddball order-of-operations schemes in MAX. There are some Java-based music programming libraries which are nice and are probably the best of both worlds, but they cost money and I’m cheap. Futhermore, I already know MAX and SuperCollider and don’t want to learn another audio language. I just want Max and SuperCollider to be seamlessly integrated in some way. And for people to stop dying. Is that so much to ask?