a “brief” statement

Pleased write a brief background statement regarding your
interests/experiences in electronic & computer music. Include
information
on compositional styles in which you have worked, software/hardware with
which you’re familiar, publications (if any) and the name and
institutional
affiliation of the electronic music/composition teachers with which
you’ve
worked.

My interest in computer music began as soon as my family got a computer in the 1980’s. I wrote programs in BASIC that were early attempts at algorithmic composition. I did not return to electronic music until I attended Mills College in Oakland, California from 1994 -8. I went to Mills College to study Computer Science, but I quickly found myself gravitating toward the Center for Contemporary Music. I studied electronic music and composition with Maggi Payne. She taught synthesis techniques on a large Moog Modular Synthesizer. I fell in love with the Moog and the intuitive approach to sound creation that went with it. I graduated with a double-major in Computer Science and Electronic Music.

While at Mills, I also studied MAX with John Bischoff. I no longer use MAX, but Bischoff’s primary lasting influence on me was his emphasis that the weaknesses of any musical system were also its strengths. While I disagree in the case of MAX, I’ve found this to be a very useful way to explore any tool.

After I graduated from Mills in 1998, I went to work in the computer industry and found time for music on evenings and weekends. Music was a hobby for me at the time. I used a MOTM analog modular synthesizer at home with protocols on my Macintosh to create experimental electronic and noise pieces. All of my work at the time was for tape. I recorded source sounds, such as field recordings or interesting synthesizer patches and mixed them together, so that mixing was much composing as finding or creating the source sounds. Often, there was a metaphor or idea that tied all of the source sounds together, but sometimes I just recorded interesting patches until I had “enough” of them and looked for interesting ways to mix them together. I loved doing this because of the focus on pure sound and also because of its tactility. I had tapes played at a few festivals and released a noise / experimental electronic CD that is now out of print.

At my job, I was web programmer and a release engineer. However, when the American economy began to downturn, it first hit the technology sector. I was laid off from my job in 2001. I took a few months to travel and then decided to do freelance programming and dedicate as much of my time as possible to music. I played bass guitar in several art rock bands, including one that was entirely improvisational and I created more tape music. I learned some new methods, like data bending (playing a piece of computer data as if it were a sound file) and built a few musical electronic kits, including a theremin.

I began to see my intuitive approach to composition as a limitation. I sought a theoretical underpinning. I experimented with some algorithmic compositional ideas in MAX, but I was frustrated by it’s inability to easily manipulate lists. Some of my friends and I collaborated on a few installations, including two that were installed for an evening at the Exploratorium in San Francisco, California. One of them used long delay lines to create feedback loops and find resonances and the other used contact mics attached to moving parts of the exhibits in the museum.

Meanwhile, I was reading many books on compositional theories of composers, like Philip Glass’ book Music by Philip Glass, John Cage’s book Silence and Pauline Oliveros’ Software for People. I also got interested in tuning theory. I found that the Java version of the Just Intonation Calculator had been open-sourced and then abandoned, so I adopted the project. I fixed some bugs and added new features and one day I hope to have time to clean up the graphics.

I decided that I would benefit most from a structured, school environment. I applied to Wesleyan University based on my admiration for the faculty. I was accepted and started in the fall of 2003.

Since being here, I have taken classes with and received composition lessons from the entire composition faculty: Alvin Lucier, Anthony Braxton, Ron Kuivila and Neely Bruce. Ron Kuivila is my advisor and my primary composition teacher. I took a class from Kuivila in Supercollider my first semester and have used it as my primary compositional tool since. Kuivila teaches a conceptual and theoretical approach to composition and time structures, mostly based on the theories of John Cage.

I study free improvisation and composition with Anthony Braxton. I am working with him to develop Supercollider programs that will respond to his improvisations in real time, so that he can play along with the computer.

I studied Just Intonation and tuning informally with composer Ellen Fullman, who is not affiliated with a school.

My work recently has been in Supercollider. About half of my pieces use just intoned computer-generated sounds. The other half use granular synthesis techniques to create Text Sound Poetry. Charles Amirkhanian and Paul de Marinis and the recently released OU archives have influenced me in this genre. I use the recorded voices of right-wing pundits as source material. My programs analyze the audio files to find breaks in phrases and re-order the words of the pundits, or find the pitches of their voices. I use repetition in these pieces because subtexts of violence and fascism are clearer after hearing the same phrase several times.

Aside from Supercollider, MAX and Protools, I also use Soundhack, and Audacity. I have used OSC to communicate between a Perl script I wrote and a Supercollider patch. My primary non-musical computer languages are Perl, Bash and Java. I have avoided doing sound programming in Java, except for a small part of the jJICalc, as most Java sound libraries are not cross-platform. I programmed in C and C++ when I was an undergrad and have dabbled in many additional languages. I have Linux/Unix experience, including some system administration. My main system now is OS X. I can navigate in Windows, but am not a power user. I have experience with PC hardware, including assembling systems and doing repairs. I know how to read a schematic and use a soldering iron and a volt meter.

I feel like SuperCollider offers a vast ocean of possibilities and I’ve just been wading close to the beach. Studying Xenakis’ theories will help me more fully engage with computer music, give me a deeper understanding and help me form my own compositional style. I hope that you accept me into your program.

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fotolog denies me

I am trying to post a comment to a picture on nicole’s fotolog, but it won’t go. So I’ll post it to my blog instead.

Agent Jones stopped dead in her tracks. For weeks, she had been investigating the “connection.” She had followed paper trails, ordered wiretaps and even employed some questionable thugs who could be counted on to provide information for a small incentive. (She had no doubt the incentive all went up their noses, but that wasn”t her problem.) Finally, an anonymous scrap of paper with an address scribbled on it arrived. She checked her glock, made sure it was loaded and filed a report saying she was going to go eyeball the location . . . which turned out to be down the block from her office . . . and had a huge SIGN up in front of it.

She looked up at the sign and suddenly noticed the bright blue sky behind it and the cherry blossoms overhanging. A bird tweeted behind her. She saw suddenly and very instantly how beautiful the world was. ”How long have I been sleepwalking?” She wondered. ”What am I doing? Have colors always been this bright? I have to get out of here.”

She was on the next train to Reno. She didn”t even bother to call Alicia to say she was coming.

I am in Oakland. I should be working on my CCMIX application, but I want to take a few moments to surf the web.
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500 words on why i want to study abroad

500.do({“duh. “.post;});

That’s some supercollider humor there. Um, yeah. so I want to play gigs and make connections i can leverage throughout my career and learn about european approaches to computer music and maybe do some collaborations. and add some kick to my resume. If I’ve played in Europe, I get creds in NY and CA and it will look good on PhD/DMA applications. and the dollar is tanking compared to the Euro and being outside of the US seems like a good idea. And it would be nice to live someplace where I actually had civil rights. And all artists are supposed to kick around Europe for a while. Am I at 500 words yet? I hate writing little essays for applications.
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Doing Applications

I’m always grateful for feedback.

  1. Why did you select to study this major field?
  2. My main life interests have always been computer science and music. When I was an undergraduate, I double-majored in these subjects. When I entered the workforce, I did so as a web programmed and relegated music to a hobby. Unfortunately, the work hours required during the dot com boom did not leave me much time for music. The money was good, but I felt unbalanced. After the bust, I dedicated my time to computer music. Although the money was dismal, I found myself much happier. Other composers encouraged me to apply for graduate school, especially Wesleyan. I’ve found that being here has given me musical knowledge and time to focus on writing music.

  3. What kinds of courses do you plan to take in Germany?
  4. I plan to take computer music courses and courses in installation art. I’m interested in exploring performance aspects, whether through collaborations with artists working on other mediums, or performance as sound sculpture. These topics will expand my compositional range and allow me to grow as an artist.

  5. Describe your interests, hobbies and extracurricular activities.
  6. Since coming to Wesleyan, I’ve focused almost exclusively on music. I’ve played tuba in many informal, extracurricular ensembles. In the past, I’ve played bass guitar in rock bands and improv groups.

    I have a strong interest in political theory, which I read about avidly.

    I’m interested in digital publishing schemes, especially using XML. I take pictures with a digital camera and publish them to the Internet. I wrote Bash and Perl scripts to generate an XML feed from my pictures. When I have time, I hope to write a script for similarly publishing mp3s and thus begin podcasting.

    I am the lead programmer on the Java Just Intonation Calculator, an open source program for calculating tuning ratios.

  7. Describe your work/employment experience.
  8. See attached resume.

  9. Please describe how you will finance your participation in the BW – Exchange.
  10. don’t feel comfortable blogging this one

  11. Do you have a preference for a particular BW university/Hochschule? Why?
  12. I would like to study at the Hochschule für Gestaltung because there is a pre-existing relationship between the Hochschule and the Wesleyan music department. Also, the school is affiliated with ZKM, which has astonishing facilities and provides HfG students an opportunity to interact with artists at ZKM.

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I just called my 7th grade teacher

I’m not sure how to talk about my junior high. Cult-like love fest? Group therapy? a bunch of kids who went through puberty without teasing each other?

Yeah, it was a little different than what I hear from other people’s stories. We were a small class. 12, of us graduated from 8th grade. We were bonded though a bizarre set of adversity and a real respect for each other and a lot of love. This is probably partly why I hated high school so much. Also, I think it has made me a bit credulous and probably has something to do with why I’m so susceptible to reality-distortion. Cuz why would you be mean to somebody else when we’re clearly all in this together, right? We all have crazy drama and crazy stress and we’ve got to be there for each other and if we help each other though the hard times . . .. Can’t we all just get along? Distrust wasn’t necessary.
Anyway, this is not a normal thing for catholic schools. It was all because of Mrs. Behler.
And now back to work on my thesis. I’m going to be reciting random numbers (and wearing my Italian suit) at a free concert tonight at 7:00 in Crowell Concert Hall at Wesleyan University. It’s part of a knee play from einstein on the Beach by Glass.
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reality distortion field

may advisor is able to easily deploy a reality distortion field where your musical ideas change in an unexpected direction or the goals of your project are shifted, or your worries get redirected or future plans get constructed out of the ether. Everything makes a lovely logical sense until he leaves and you start talking about it to somebody else. “Just sneak into the EU via Norway . . .. No wait, that idea is sketch . . .. That’s not a solution.”

It’s a great skill for an artist. Because what is art if not a reframing or a re-thinking of reality and a trip into a different perspective? Um, but maybe it could just stay in art and not seep out in all directions. I am so susceptible to this. “Somebody give me an answer!!! Oh, what a lovely answer! No, that doesn’t work at all. fuck.” say I, far too often.
CCMIX has rolling admissions. I wonder if I can manage to pay to live in Paris for a year.
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Why would anyone write back to my email?

Bah.

I woke up this morning feeling sooooo angsty. Unbeleivable levels of angst. Is it the late winter snow or what? then I went off to improvise with Anthony Braxton and he’s an angsty guy too. The level of angst was high and stressed ack-i’m-running-late energy from both of us and then we sat down and played . . .
and it was magical. I’m going to try to play my tuba every day. or a synthesizer. but a computer doesn’t count. Anthony was talking about how music makes him sane etc, etc etc. It’s true for me too. sometimes musicians look down as elitists on non-art types. “how sad for them to have no art” we say. But they should look down on us. “how sad for them that they get paralyzed with angst if they don’t play a tuba. what a handicap.”
i generated some email asking about study abroad next year. IRCAM’s deadline was in October. I’ve heard that CCMIX has a late deadline. I dunno. Friday evening in Paris by the time I emailed. Maybe I’ll hear Monday. And my advisor wants me to email him about my thesis but is as bad at reading email as I am. So, just like with the German exchange folks, I’m not going to hear squat. The german exchange here is good for any university in Germany. Maybe I could go to Berlin or Köln or a big city. I wonder how I would go about researching music schools in Germany . . . before the start of spring break. AND write my thesis.
My computer has almost all of my applications working now and all the data is happy, as far as I can tell. I think I should go work all day tomorrow in the studio, as I have an idea that being in a more public place will enable me to concentrate better. It’s hard to sit home alone and work. also, periodic interactions with people prevent me from stewing in angst.
Major sources of angst include thesis (big cloud of doom hanging over head) and study abroad (what will i do next year, ack) and gf (why would she want to go to Karlsruhe, does this mean the end). And if matt, anne judy and everyone else I’ve talked to all say negative things, why do I want to go? A couple of those people have a certain tendency to take a more balanced view of things. As in, for all the drama and frustration and my near constant whining, I see my experience at Wesleyan as completely positive. Some of BW exchange alums took their Wesleyan frustrations more to heart and can’t say that their experience was completely positive. Which is to say that I tend to overstate the positive in a way that makes me rate things more positively than others might given my same experience.
bah. doom. maybe i should just be doing phD applications.
and writing my thesis
maybe i should take next year off get a job.
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Going Abroad

Ok, so next year, I really want to study abroad. I’m thinking someplace in continental Europe. I’m applying for Wesleyan’s exchange program where I would go to Karlsruhe. But . . . several of the last people who went have not said good things about it. One guy was unable to answer the question whether he had gotten anything out of the experience. I’ve been pushing forward anyway, because I really want to go abroad and because I speak some German and I’m sure it will work out somehow and I really want to have some sure thing for next year . . . but . . . today I heard a professor say something about how you didn’t want to spend any more time in Karlsruhe than was strictly necessary. Ok, red flags are starting to pop up. Or rather, I’m starting to notice them.

I should find a different way to go abroad, I guess. I talked to my advisor about this and he told me I should go to Karlsruhe. He’s always promoting it despite unhappy grads from the last three years. Maybe the CT department of education has him on the take . . .. Um, but seriously. Several people I know have applied to C.C.M.I.X.. Every person I know who has applied has gotten in. Most have not gone because it’s not a funded program. I know that sustainability as a composer means people paying me instead of vice versa. But a year in Paris could be very groovy. If this program sounds familiar to you, it’s cuz Christi went there in 2003-4. . . . Which is a bit of a complexity, or not. I know she had a positive experience. And she’s not in Paris anymore. And Paris has a very nifty music scene. Getting in on it would be very valuable connections.
If you know of any year long music program in Europe, tell me about it. I’m electronically focussed and not very academic (in the Milton Babbit sort of way). There’s also IRCAM, but would I have to know how to speak French before I arrived?
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