Les said, the better II

I burned through insane amounts of material. I started with “hello world” and ended with “and this is how you declare default values for arguments to functions.” whoah, yeah. I wonder if I’ll see any of those kids again.

I think next week, I’ll talk about some other stuff, like say what “integer” means or order of operations in math expressions.
Standing in front of 20 people, writing on the blackboard, trying to explain what a SynthDef is (an definition of a synthesizer architecture that runs on the audio server. ok, let me define all those terms.), god it’s exhausting. i feel so burned still and it was hours ago and i ate half a pumpkin pie and drank a cup of tea. I think I need some compari or to go to sleep.
I’ll post my notes later. All 7+ pages of them. Aaron said, “you’ve got the first chapter of a book there.” Look out for SuperCollider for non-programmers coming out sometime later in my life. In the mean time, I’ll be taking non-programmers and throwing them into the deep end of the pool , , , that’s shark infested.

So sometime last spring, when I was running around with too much to think about, I noticed that when my upstairs neighbors showered, after a few minutes of this, water would start to drip from my celiling. Not good, but a slow leak. I didn’t have my lanlord’s number over the summer, so I called her when I got back to school. She sent her son over, who instructed the upstairs nieghbors to run the shower. After a few minutes it started to leak from my celing, so he ripped a hole in the ceiling and shined a flashlight at the leaky pipe and said, “yep, that’s a leak.” This was over a week ago.

during the week, the hours that I’ve been in the house and awake are very different from the folks living on the second floor. Once, I heard them start to shower and without the ceiling there to absorb the leak, I noted that it started leaking faster and seemed to be in greater amount. Bah! The ceiling is crumbling and there’s a huge hole! At least it’s just their shower. . . right?
And this morning…. I heard a flush . . . and then a bunch of drops of water sort of sprayed out from the celing and landed across my tub.
GAHHHHHHH!
I would like to note that this is how SARS spread in that one apartment building in China. Not that they prolly have SARS. But, you know, other cooties, Hepatitus, whatever. GAH!

Avast me mateys, this be talk like a pirate day. Yarr! The sun is below the yardarm, so i’m about to be drinking some rum. arr

I wrote some code that looks for spaces in sound files and then reshuffles the order of playback. So it looks for spaces when people are speaking and then puts their phreases in any order. This only somewhat decreases the intelligibility of Ann Coulter. I was sort of fascianted with her, not now I hate her like she deserves. She’s so . . . nuts.

I might start my thesis with some pundit reshuffling, but will probably update the content, so it’s more current to whatever she’s punditting around then. Here’s the rough draft: coulter gone wild
feedback appreciated
yes, it’s 3:00 am. so what?

Despite a quagmire in Iraq, a tanking economy and millions of jobs lost, it appears that Bush is in the lead. One of the most effective things that one can do to prevent a second Bush term is to talk to people about the issues and how they effect you. For example, a constitutional amendment against same sex marriage, a part of the Republican platform endorsed by Bush, seems like a bad idea to me, because I’m queer and I want equal rights. They wanted to amend the constitution against interracial marriage too. think how stupid and terrible that would have been. We’d still be trying to get rid of it. We’ve amended the constitution to take away rights before, during prohibition. It was a disaster. And passing anti-gay laws hurts gay people. The court could look at that amendment and interpret it to mean that gay relationships and gay sex ought to be illegal. Anti-sodomy laws were just declared unconstituional last year. If that amdendment got passed, the court would look at it as frowning upon gay relationships and sodomy would be illegal in 20 states again. People were actually beign arrested in Texas. This is no joke. This is human rights.
Furthermore, Bush would like to make abortion illegal. While I’m unlikely to be in a situation where this would matter to me, I still want to be empowered to make those kind of descisions. And what if abortion was only legal in cases of rape or incest. Well, while I was an undergrad, one of the students was raped by an aquaintence in her dorm. She reported it to the police, and the DA decided that there was not enough evidence to charge the rapist. Charges are filed way less than half the time. Less than half of rapes are even reported. So if she had been impregnated by that rapist, well, there’s not enough evidence to try him. So can she have an abortion? Or does she have to carry that fetus to term. Furthermore, if a fetus is a person, why would it be ok to abort it under any circumstance? A fetus is not a person. I think some people want to say it’s a person because they don’t want women making descisions about sex and fertility. Many right-wingers also oppose birth control and all extra-marital sex. they don’t want to save babies, they want you to be barefoot and pregnant. when Bush talks about a “culture of life,” he means you: married, to a person of the opposite sex, having babies whether you want them or not.
Also, I kind of missing being able to get a job. The economy was way better under Clinton. Bush is running up huge deficits and cutting domestic spending. This is hurting us now and will keep hurting us for years.

These are a few of the reasons that I think Bush ought to be removed. For 116 other reasons, check the Daily Reason to Dispatch Bush
and, on a more positive note, Kerry is a smart guy. He’s a guy who stands up for what he believes in. His testimony about Vietnam showed the strength of his convictions. He’s articulate. He understands foreign policy. He’s been a good senator. He’ll make a fine president. He’s been in a war. He understands what war means, not just as a politician, but as somebody who has been on the ground. None of the Bush team went to Vietnam. But Kerry did. He volunteered for a dangerous assignment. And the things he saw turned him against the war. when he talks about peace, he speaks about it from the perspective of somebody who has seen both sides. He’s been there. He knows what he’s talking about. He can help us rebuild alliances with our allies. He can lead us back to peace and prosperity. A peaceful, prosperoous America is a stronger America.
I dunno about you, but I think wistfully back on the Clinton days. I was over paid. There was money for the arts. things were going really well. Are we better off today than we were four years ago? Kerry for president: Tell a Friend.

I juts posted a comment in The Jounal of Jennifer Savage about Iraq and terrorism etc. I want to repost it here.

Iraq did not have the 4th largest army in the world since the first gulf war. We killed huge numbers of his troops then. Who were mostly very young. A lot of soldiers then were around 14 years old. The reason for their youth was because of the long-running war with Iran, for which we provided Iraq with all sorts of heinous weapons. They could not manage to win the war with their neighbor and ended up killing many many many young men and boys.
If Iraq could not successfully defeat their next door neighbor, a third world country, even as we gave them weapons and money, how could they possibly pose a threat to us? Al Qeda hated Hussein for being secular. the likelyhood that he would have given them any support was extremely low. Also, he must have recognized that aiding people attacking the US would be suicide.
We spent 11 years bombing Iraq and denying them supplies that could have any sort of military purpose (including bulldozers, nitorglycerine for heart patients, etc), after we destroyed infrastructure in the first gulf war. We came in and blew up water treatment plants, electrical plants, etc and would not allow in the tools needed to fix them in case those tools might also be used for weapons. Hundreds of thousands of people died from these sanctions because they couldn’t get medicine or clean water or whatever.
People who have seen thier family members die from US actions are outraged. If Canada invaded and killed your parents and your siblings died from diareha because Canada destroyed your water system, you’d probably be pretty damn pissed. I know I would take up arms against a country that did that to me. I’m not going to become a terrorist under any sort of normal circumstance. But kill my family, and yeah, I’m going to go looking for some weapons to raise some hell with those murderous invaders. Many Iraqs feel this way. If you radicalize somebody who would have otherwise just minded their own buiness, you’re not killing terorrists “over there,” you’re just radicalizing more and more people. there are more “terrorists” now than there used to be. Because there are more people who want to kill American troops and harm American interests. Al Qeada is as big as it’s ever been. Recruitment is way up, because so many peole are pissed.
So we attacked a country that was no threat to us. This radicalized a bunch of formerly neutral peple. Terrorist groups are at record high membership levels. This is Bush’s record.
And people are complaining that Kerry protested Vietnam. Does anybody really think that the Vietnam war was a good idea? Wouldn’t protesting a morally wrong war be the morally correct thing to do? If I stand in front of the UN holding a sign that says “Peace Now” am I giving comfort to “the enemy” or am I exercizing my constitutional rights? Isn’t it our civic duty to speak up if our government is on the wrong path?
Also, I have to question the idea that muslims are “naturally” terrorists. I just watched a video yesterday that talked about how all Armenians are viscious terrorist killers. (http://www.celesteh.com/blog/2004/09/17/where-ever-there-are-armenians-there/) Any group that has been colonized will have a history of attacking colonial powers. The Middle East was colonized.

And here I want to add that Bush beleives that God wants him to invade Iraq. Which, I mean, we can differ on religious beleifies and that’s ok. If I think I’m doing the right thing, then I would like to beleive that I’m on God’s side. But I think it’s important to note that Bush belongs to an apocalyptic sect. Part of the reason he’s weakening environmental protections is because he doesn’t think that environmental problems that take 50 years to mainfest are a problem. Because we’re in the End Times and the world won’t be around in another 50 years. Once again a difference of beleif, but not necessarily one to be using as a basis for making policy.
Furthermore, Bush sees the end of the world as a desireable event. This again, is a difference of beleief. However, in addition to eagerly awaiting Jesus’ arrival, Bush is taking actions which he believes will fulfill prophesies that must be fulfilled before Jesus can return. Many of these prophesies involve the Middle East. Put simply, part of Bush’s plan for the Middle East is designed to end to the world. Given the level of nuclear proliferation in that region, he may succeed in his goals.
There are many reasons to like or dislike Kerry, but one major point in his favor is that he’s not trying to bring about the apocalypse.

So I’m doing a project about terrorism and I got from the library a video about terror and terrorist groups. It was made back when we were fighting “terrorists” all over south America, like indigineous farmers and workers and the non-ruling classes. Back the first time that Rumsfeld and Cheney werre major players in a war on terror. I think we won that one, as the Mayans in Guatemala have not killed our children in the middle of the night. Nor did Nicuragua bomb us with jet planes, although given the level of violence we were unleashing upon them, it would have been morally justifiable as a “just war” on their part. Except for the end, where we would have nuked them.

Anyway, so back in the 80’s when this video was made, there were a bunch of very scary terror groups that struck out with violence in all directions killing innocent people. Including Armenians. There were Armenians in many many countries, lurking, waiting to bomb you. Why is that? Well, Turkey did a forced march wherein many of them expelled. More than a million Armenians were killed in this process in one of the unremebered genocides of the 20th century. And can you beleive it, some Armenians want to keep dwelling on the past! They raised money so that Armenians left in Turkey can try to fight the military state as it continues to crush them. These Armenians are engaging in murder, cold-blooded murder, against Turkish government officials. And Armenians all over the globe are participating! “where ever there are Armenians, there is terror.” (Fresno is given as an example of this phenomenon)
1.5 million dead Armenians = the state’s legitimate use of force and a thing of the past, so stop caring.
A few dozen (or heck, maybe a couple hundred) dead Turkish offcials = morally reprehensible, unjustifiable, criminal, evil murder
So, we had a bogey man, a war with evil, an unrepentant and inscrutable criminal element, bent on our distruction.
The more things change, the more they stay the same.
I would also like to note that Cobra, the bad guys in the GI Joe TV show were also terrorists intent on killing the entire western world for reasons that were completely unclear but had something to do with being evil. In 1985, this was a children’s cartoon. I guess that off and on for the last 20 or 30 years, it’s also been our political situation in Real Life. really.

Yeah, so very soon I must start applying for whatever I want to do next fall. My plan now is to apply to a bunch of stuff and then go to the one that takes me. Smart, eh? I have two things to worry about: my life and my career. But for composers, how seperate are these things? anyway, yes, I could go home and start a lovely career. Or I could not go home and get another degree and continue a little adventure of living far away and be able to use that degree to get a teaching job anywhere. Few west coast teachers have more than an MFA, but with a DMA (or other PhD level degree), I could go more places. Do I want to teach or do I want to compose? Do I get a choice? How many composers are teachers?

And I’ve been a it stressed lately. First week of classes is always a bit stressful. I have a low stress threshold, really. and things are still progressing on other fronts of stress improvement. I’ve just boxed up the dishes that I’ve been using for the last several years to send them to the ex. The dishes were made by her dad. My name is on the bottom of them. Packing them is a bit disconcerting. Can’t he just make her another set? Anyway. Yes, I have a tatoo that matches these plates. On my leg.
so dealing with this makes me feel a bit freaky. I start to worry about other things. I’m trying to pull myself back and wonder why I’m freaking out about possible future application suddenly. And it’s because the dishes are upsetting me. I’m trying to be aware of my actual sources of stress. Because then I can deal with them. Olga posts about how anxiety comes from thinking that dangers are greater than your reserves. But if you really look at it, you’re often maximizing danger and minimizing reserves when you contemplate things. So if you make a list or something, you find out you can handle your problems and are calm. I’m a step off from that, because I first start by worrying about unrelated things. Yes, you think I’m neurotic. Not so! I’m just displacing my worries.
Nevertheless, my reserves do get hit pretty hard. How much emotional reserve does one need to put the dress one’s ex wore to one’s wedding into a box and drop it in the mail? What if the majority of your friends and family were thousands of miles away? What if another year on the other side of the country was starting to freak you out anyway?
The seasons here are very strong. Fall looks like fall, it does not look like spring or winter (or summer, presumably), so when I walk around here this fall, I am strongly reminded not of last winter or spring, but of last fall. Let’s play the game: how has my life changed in the last year? I wonder if this year will be like last year? I wonder if I can handle it? Knowing what you’ve already survived ought to provide some confidence for the future, shouldn’t it? Knowing situations to avoid. (I know it would be unreasonable to start worrying about this thing, but it’s the sort of thing that worries me, so I think I’ll just avoid it.) When you start adjusting your life to deal with your insecurities, is it because you are getting better at dealing with stuff or is it because you’ve just given up trying? More healthy / less healthy?
I’m trying to be aware of the kind of things that freak me out and why they freak me out and how that shows up and what I can do about it. Knowing these things is somehow helpful. At the very least, I stop worrying about what I think I’m worried about and concentrate on what’s actually bugging me. I feel half as worried that way.
So my future plans are up in the air. But I don’t need to worry about them. Yet.

Um, even so, my todo list has gone somewhat awry. I’m not going to find a double bass to play in time for Monday. Not going to happen. I’m just going to play tuba this semester. And I’m not packing dishes until tomorrow. I don’t think I have to record anything today, but, um, I dunno.

I don’t think I like my vocal piece, but it has to be done by tonight, so, um, yeah. [ MIDI | Scortch (requires free plugin) ] the text is from Nicole’s blog and the notes are from some words in Solresol. I think it sounds gimmicky, but Jess likes it. Or maybe she was just saying that so I would let her use my laptop.
Tomorrow: rehersal, learn some parts for tuesday, other parts for wednesday. I’m going to be a tuba playing fool. I’m a little sad about not playing bass, but, I have a tuba and I spent years taking lessons on it and I really ought to play it more often. And it’s a bit more portable.
My landlord ripped out part of the celeing of my bathroom. I wonder how long I will have hole in my ceiling?

If you’ve been obsessively reading the news today (what? “a life”? what do you mean?), you’re certainly aware that when CBS uncovered documents indicated that Dubya disobeyed direct orders, all sorts of media started claiming that those documents were forgeries. The charges of forgery are rediculous, but it doesn’t matter as doubt has been planted in people’s minds. In fact, the “forgery” story has overshadowed the original story. Dubya was going down, when boom, a massive distraction was created. It started appearing in blogs before CBS had even finished it’s broadcast.

Meanwhile, some guys who never met John Kerry put out a TV ad saying bad things about him and weeks later they seem to be still running ads. Kerry’s not hitting back in a way that gets media saturation. And he’s not exactly left wing. Bush is the antithesis of all I used to stand for, so he must be really right wing. And suppoerting him would be a lot less frustrating if I were a right winger, cuz 1. He’s really right wing and 2. He can put out a fire in a way the Democrats can’t. So I’m switching sides. I mean, kerry is a so watered-down version of what i support that he’s not even clearly identifiable as related.
But bush is the antithesis of what i would go for.
lots of people are itching to vote for bush.
cuz he’s evil and they like that.
they look at him and say, “hey, there’s my kind of evil!”
so if i were a rightwinger, i’d probably love bush.
It won’t be hard. I do kind of hate people who are different than me. Bush invokes an alien other a lot, so I’ll do that too. Goddamn heterosexuals! Also: cat people. Cat people are a clear threat to national security.
Plus they’re something not quite right about them.
it’s much more sexy to be evil.
you don’t have to worry about ethics.
you can do whatever you want.
you can use any tactic.
unscrupulous people frequently prosper. cheaters often win.
i’m switching to evil. and i support cat person profiling.
i’m also scapegoating men. I would like to point out that heterosexual, cat-people, men are especially dangerous. ‘m going to write a book explaining how they should all be rounded up.
evil is winning.
it’s a sign of the end times.
but i don’t beleive in the afterlife, so i’m throwing in my lot with the beast.

also, surgery for prostate cancer should only be performed in cases of rape or incest. cuz prostates have to do with sex, which is related, for men, to being men, and i need to scapegoat them. And, so if fetuses aren’t babies in cases of rape or incest, then men can have prostate cancer fixed only when it’s not their fault either.
Um, who else should I irrationally hate and deny basic rights to? Any ideas?