Les said, the better II

Mr. Chairman, delegates, fellow citizens: I am honored by your support, and I accept your nomination for President of the United States.

You like me! You really like me! Of course, just to be certain, we cancelled Republican primaries in several states.

When I said those words four years ago, none of us could have envisioned what these years would bring.

whoo-boy my critics did guess how bad I’d be by half!

In the heart of this great city, we saw tragedy arrive on a quiet morning. We saw the bravery of rescuers grow with danger. We learned of passengers on a doomed plane who died with a courage that frightened their killers.

I’d just like to remind you of a subtle theme of this convention: 9/11! 9/11! Terror! Fear! 9/11!

Since 2001, Americans have been given hills to climb and found the strength to climb them. Now, because we have made the hard journey, we can see the valley below. Now, because we have faced challenges with resolve, we have historic goals within our reach, and greatness in our future. We will build a safer world and a more hopeful America and nothing will hold us back.

My empty platitudes really poll very well.

I believe every child can learn and every school must teach — so we passed the most important federal education reform in history. Because we acted, children are making sustained progress in reading and math, America’s schools are getting better, and nothing will hold us back.

My advisors told me no child left behind is working. They also sold me a lovely bridge across town.

I am running for President with a clear and positive plan to build a safer world and a more hopeful America. I am running with a compassionate conservative philosophy: that government should help people improve their lives, not try to run their lives. I believe this nation wants steady, consistent, principled leadership — and that is why, with your help, we will win this election.

Remember “compassionate conservatism” from my last campaign? Yeah, me neither. But I was hoping you might fall for it again. You know what they say in Tennessee, “fool me once . . . shame on . . . you . . .. fool me twice . . . can’t get fooled again”

The story of America is the story of expanding liberty: an everwidening circle, constantly growing to reach further and include more. Our nation’s founding commitment is still our deepest commitment: In our world, and here at home, we will extend the frontiers of freedom.

By expanding the Patriot Act. Freedom is slavery!

The times in which we live and work are changing dramatically. The workers of our parents’ generation typically had one job, one skill, one career — often with one company that provided health care and a pension. And most of those workers were men. Today, workers change jobs, even careers, many times during their lives, and in one of the most dramatic shifts our society has seen, two-thirds of all moms also work outside the home.

and ha ha. you can kiss that healthcare and pension goodbye.

My plan begins with providing the security and opportunity of a growing economy. We now compete in a global market that provides new buyers for our goods, but new competition for our workers. To create more jobs in America, America must be the best place in the world to do business. To create jobs, my plan will encourage investment and expansion by restraining federal spending, reducing regulation and making tax relief permanent. To create jobs, we will make our country less dependent on foreign sources of energy. To create jobs, we will expand trade and level the playing field to sell American goods and services across the globe. And we must protect small business owners and workers from the explosion of frivolous lawsuits that threaten jobs across America.

To create corporate wealth, we need to be more buisiness-friendly and less worker friendly. We need to forget the notion that governments exist for the benefit of people. You pay your taxes to help companies, not for schools or roads. And forget about clean air or water. They’re expensive! Rich people aren’t going to be paying taxes anymore, so those programs have to go. We’re going to increase domestic energy production, by annexing some Middle Eastern countries. We’re going to level the playing field by getting our level of worker and environmental protections more in line with the cheapest countries in the world. If they pay only pennies per day, then so will we! New jobs already pay thousands less than the jobs eliminated during my first term. also, if workers get injured on the job, well, heh heh, We’re going to “protect” them from getting compensation for it. In this way, CEO compensations will continue to rise and billionaire wealth will continue to climb.

Another drag on our economy is the current tax code, which is a complicated mess — filled with special interest loopholes, saddling our people with more than six billion hours of paperwork and headache every year. The American people deserve — and our economic future demands — a simpler, fairer, pro-growth system. In a new term, I will lead a bipartisan effort to reform and simplify the federal tax code.

Ha ha ha! this my favorite one! You know how Issa stole a bunch of cars and then made a killing by selling car alarms? and you know how Pete Wilson made a bunch of deals with Enron to screw up California’s energy market and then a Republican used that as a campaign issue to defeat Davis? ha ha ha! I screwed up the tax code! And you know how I’m going to fix it? ha ha ha! Flat tax! think of all the money the ultra-rich will save!

In this time of change, opportunity in some communities is more distant than in others. To stand with workers in poor communities — and those that have lost manufacturing, textile and other jobs — we will create American opportunity zones. In these areas, we’ll provide tax relief and other incentives to attract new business and improve housing and job training to bring hope and work throughout all of America.

Actually, we’ll just create zones that are free from taxes and regulations and screw that housing and school stuff. A slice of the third world right in your poor neighborhood!

In a new term, I will ensure every poor county in America has a community or rural health center.

I won’t start that now or anything. Because there are certain “services” they won’t be providing. No worries about that! We don’t want that getting attention until after the election. those ladies sure do get their panties in a bunch about their baby killing “rights”

And in all we do to improve health care in America, we will make sure that health decisions are made by doctors and patients, not by bureaucrats in Washington, D.C

So you insurance guys don’t worry. Healthcare will never be a right. It will never be nationalized. We won’t demand that you cover anything in particular. didn’t I just say less government oversight?

In this time of change, government must take the side of working families. In a new term, we will change outdated labor laws to offer comp time and flex time. Our laws should never stand in the way of a more family friendly workplace.

I’m so family friendly that I’m eliminating overtime pay! That’s because when I say “family,” I mean it the way Tony Soprano means it! Get it? businesses are part of the “family”!

Another priority for a new term is to build an ownership society, because ownership brings security, and dignity and independence.

Basically, the entire country is for sale to the highest bidder. Act now, and you can own it.

These changing times can be exciting times of expanded opportunity. And here, you face a choice. My opponent’s policies are dramatically different from ours. Senator Kerry opposed Medicare reform and health savings accounts. After supporting my education reforms, he now wants to dilute them. He opposes legal and medical liability reform. He opposed reducing the marriage penalty, opposed doubling the child credit and opposed lowering income taxes for all who pay them.

Ther parties are not the same. Do not vote third party! We’re both pro-corporation, but I’m even more so! for instance, Kerry thought that “benefits” that are just for people with extra money, like allowing folks who can afford it health savings account, well, he thought that was bad, because he’s a pinko commie. And he’s against my leave no single child (leave a lot of them!) behind act. Can you beleive it? He think injured people should have rights to compensation when they get hurt on the job or by faulty products. He thinks rich people should have to pay their share of taxes! He’s way different than I am!

His policies of tax and spend — of expanding government rather than expanding opportunity — are the policies of the past. We are on the path to the future — and we are not turning back.

the future is the past! McKinley is my president!

In this world of change, some things do not change: the values we try to live by, the institutions that give our lives meaning and purpose. Our society rests on a foundation of responsibility and character and family commitment.

not on hedonistic queers!

Because family and work are sources of stability and dignity, I support welfare reform that strengthens family and requires work.

Because sending poor, single mothers off to minimum wage jobs, but not providing them with childcare, strengthens “the family.”

Because a caring society will value its weakest members, we must make a place for the unborn child.

And those poor, single mothers don’t really get a choice about becoming mothers. he he he. Unborn fetuses are our weakest members of society. poor humans are moral failures who deserve what they get.

Because religious charities provide a safety net of mercy and compassion, our government must never discriminate against them.

Please note that I’m against the entire first amendment, not just this part

Because the union of a man and woman deserves an honored place in our society, I support the protection of marriage against activist judges.

He he he. Screw the queers! I mean, not literally! ewwww!

And I will continue to appoint federal judges who know the difference between personal opinion and the strict interpretation of the law.

If you like these ideas, you’ll love my judicial nominees! Hear that, Ralph Nader??!!

My opponent recently announced that he is the candidate of “conservative values,” which must have come as a surprise to a lot of his supporters. Now, there are some problems with this claim. If you say the heart and soul of America is found in Hollywood, I’m afraid you are not the candidate of conservative values. If you voted against the bipartisan Defense of Marriage Act, which President Clinton signed, you are not the candidate of conservative values. If you gave a speech, as my opponent did, calling the Reagan presidency eight years of “moral darkness,” then you may be a lot of things, but the candidate of conservative values is not one of them.

Progressives take heart: Kerry may not exactly be a liberal, but he’s wayyyy left of Bush

his election will also determine how America responds to the continuing danger of terrorism — and you know where I stand. Three days after September 11th, I stood where Americans died, in the ruins of the Twin Towers. Workers in hard hats were shouting to me, “Whatever it takes.” A fellow grabbed me by the arm and he said, “Do not let me down.” Since that day, I wake up every morning thinking about how to better protect our country. I will never relent in defending America — whatever it takes.

that’s where I stood three days later. you know, after I quit being mesmerized by My Pet Goat

o we have fought the terrorists across the earth — not for pride, not for power, but because the lives of our citizens are at stake.

ok, nevermind, it was for pride and power after all. Also, dick’s been making a killing off of those contracts we keep giving him.

his progress involved careful diplomacy, clear moral purpose, and some tough decisions. And the toughest came on Iraq. We knew Saddam Hussein’s record of aggression and support for terror. We knew his long history of pursuing, even using, weapons of mass destruction. And we know that Sept. 11th requires our country to think differently: We must, and we will, confront threats to America before it is too late.

Note I’ve just implied a connection between Iraq and September 11 without actually stating one. My speech writers are so tricky!

Do I forget the lessons of Sept. 11th and take the word of a madman, or do I take action to defend our country? Faced with that choice, I will defend America every time.

I will never make a descision based on the word of Zell Miller.

Despite ongoing acts of violence, Iraq now has a strong prime minister, a national council, and national elections are scheduled for January.

He’s so strong he just capped a bunch of prisoners in the head! Just like that! He said, “you’re going down, motherfuckers” and then he just capped them. Just like that. He’s a strong prime minister!

The people we have freed won’t forget either. Not long ago, seven Iraqi men came to see me in the Oval Office. They had “X”s branded into their foreheads, and their right hands had been cut off, by Saddam Hussein’s secret police, the sadistic punishment for imaginary crimes. During our emotional visit one of the Iraqi men used his new prosthetic hand to slowly write out, in Arabic, a prayer for God to bless America. I am proud that our country remains the hope of the oppressed, and the greatest force for good on this earth.

thanks to the CIA, torture in Iraq will not longer leave such noticable marks.

We were honored to aid the rise of democracy in Germany and Japan and Nicaragua and Central Europe and the Baltics — and that noble story goes on.

good god! Ahnold is praising Nixon and Bush is speaking favorably of the terror we unleashed upon Nicaragua! Has the world turned upside down?

And I have met with parents and wives and husbands who have received a folded flag, and said a final goodbye to a soldier they loved.

actually, I haven’t met with any families of any of the thousand soldiers killed in Iraq, but I’ve really been meaning to.

God bless you, and may God continue to bless America.

god is on MY side and with his help, I hope to one day start fulfilling all of my non-war related campaign promises I made four years ago. thank you and goodnight.

It’s a little known fact that dick Cheney actually gave his speech from an undisclosed location and special fx were used to make it look like he was actually at MSG.

I’m sure glad Zell Miller’s on our side.

Because I’m worried otherwise he would challenge me to a duel or eat my brain or something!

People tell me that Senator Edwards got picked for his good looks, his sex appeal and his great hair. I say to them: How do you think I got the job?

um.. wow. that’s almost a good a joke as the ones the bush twins told. Also, Edwards is stupid! hahaha!

From kindergarten to graduation, I went to public schools. And I know that they are a key to being sure that every child has a chance to succeed and to rise in the world.

I have ancestors who were not billionares. I’m a populist. really.

With higher standards and new resources, America’s schools are now on an upward path to excellence, and not for just a few children, but for every child.

If we repeat this enough time, it will become true!

Opportunity also depends on a vibrant, growing economy. As President Bush and I were sworn into office, our nation was sliding into recession, and American workers were overburdened with federal taxes. Then came the events of September 11th, which hit our economy very hard. So President Bush delivered the greatest tax reduction in a generation, and the results are clear to see. 

Well, now, you all know that the recession didn’t start till after Bush took office, but, my biollionare constituients, you have all seen the results of your gigantic tax cut! *wink* *wink*

Our nation has the best health care in the world and President Bush is making it more affordable and accessible to all Americans. 

I have never had a problem getting good healthcare, or paying for good healthcare. People who say they have problems are health-care girlie men.

And there is more to do. Under this President’s leadership, we will reform medical liability so the system serves patients and good doctors, not personal injury lawyers.

Well, so it serves insurance companies, really. and protects companies from frivolous claims filed by unscrupulous personal injury lawyers who think that non-rich people should be compensated when they get maimed by faulty products.

These have been years of achievement, and we are eager for the work ahead. And in all that we do, we will never lose sight of the greatest challenge of our time: preserving the freedom and security of this nation against determined enemies.

that’s enough pretending to care about issues that actually affect people’s lives. Let’s see I mentioned schools and healthcare and taxes, all kind of in passing. check check check.

Since I last spoke to our national convention, Lynne and I have had the joy of seeing our family grow. We now have a grandson to go along with our three wonderful granddaughters…

finally! A male heir! someone worth of assuming the Cheny Mantle!
and he didn’t come from my lesbo daughter . . .

September 11th, 2001, made clear the challenges we face. On that day we saw the harm that could be done by 19 men armed with knives and boarding passes. America also awakened to a possibility even more lethal: this enemy, whose hatred of us is limitless, armed with chemical, biological, or even nuclear weapons.

Nukes! They’ve got Nukes! Good thing I have an undisclosed location! FEAR!!!

The fanatics who killed some 3,000 of our fellow Americans may have thought they could attack us with impunity, because terrorists had done so previously

Under that no-good adulter Clinton!!!! Oh, no, wait . . .

In a campaign that has reached around the world, we have captured or killed hundreds of Al Qaida. In Afghanistan, the camps where terrorists trained to kill Americans have been shut down and the Taliban driven from power. 

there were more nypd on duty during that speech than there were american soldiers in afghanistan, but whatever. Failure is sucess! Ignorance is strenght! Bush/Orwell 04!

The biggest threat we face today is having nuclear weapons fall into the hands of terrorists. The president is working with many countries in a global effort to end the trade and transfer of these deadly technologies. The most important result thus far, and it is a very important one, is that the black-market network that supplied nuclear weapons technology to Libya, as well as to Iran and North Korea, has been shut down. 

We don’t want the smoking gun to be a mushroom cloud over NYC! nukes! they’ve got nukes! run for your lives! Aieeee!

The president’s opponent is an experienced senator. He speaks often of his service in Vietnam, and we honor him for it.

By wearing baindaids with purple hearts on them, mocking him for being injured in a war that neither I nor the president went to.

But there is also a record of more than three decades since. And on the question of America’s role in the world, the differences between Senator Kerry and President Bush are the sharpest, and the stakes for the country are the highest. 

Hear that Nader supporters?!!?

Senator Kerry began his political career by saying he would like to see our troops deployed “only at the directive of the United Nations.” 

Kerry thinks war should only be as a last resort after all other options have been exhausted! What a loser!

Even in this post-9/11 period, Senator Kerry doesn’t appear to understand how the world has changed. He talks about leading a “more sensitive war on terror” . . . as though Al Qaida will be impressed with our softer side. 

Bring ’em on! you’re with us or you’re with al queda! Screw you!

We are faced with an enemy who seeks the deadliest of weapons to use against us, and we cannot wait for the next attack. We must do everything we can to prevent it, and that includes the use of military force.

Nukes!! Nukes! aIEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

Senator Kerry denounces American action when other countries don’t approve, as if the whole object of our foreign policy were to please a few persistent critics. 

what does foreign policy have to do with working with other countries? “Foreign policy” means war, right? War is Peace! Freedom is Slavery!

But, in fact, in the global war on terror, as in Afghanistan and Iraq, President Bush has brought many allies to our side.

Notice how I skillfully avoided saying that Iraq was part of the war on terror or that Bush brought many allies there. That gives me plausible deniability for any possible future war crimes trial.

George W. Bush will never seek a permission slip to defend the American people.

this line was so good in Kerry’s acceptance speech that I thought I should borrow it.

[Kerry] does not seem to understand the first obligation of a commander in chief, and that is to support American troops in combat.

by cutting pay and benefits and billing them for meals they eat in hospitals and generally impovershing vetrans like Bush has done

The other candidate in this race is a man our nation has come to know and one I’ve come to admire very much. I watch him at work every day. I have seen him face some of the hardest decisions that come to the Oval Office and make those decisions with the wisdom and humility Americans expect in their president. 

I see him every day. his expression of resolve. his posture. that crease he gets in his forehead when he’s thinking. His firm butt. . .

And he brings out those qualities in those around him. He is a man of great personal strength and, more than that, a man with a heart for the weak and the vulnerable and the afflicted. 

Excuse me, I meant to say, ” a man who rips hearts from the weak, the vunerable and afflicted and then feeds those hearts to his dogs.”

According to a news account last month, people leaving the Democratic National Convention asked a Boston policeman for directions. He replied, leave here, and go vote Republican.

Ha ha ha! I love mean cops! you know what would have ruled? If he’d said that and then he’d clubbed them!

Our president understands the miracle of this great country. He knows the hope that drives it and shares the optimism that has long been so important a part of our national character. He gets up each and every day determined to keep our great nation safe so that generations to come will know the freedom and opportunities we have known and more.

Oh, right. Optimism. check. vote for us and GIGANTIC TERRORIST NUCLEAR WEAPONS might not RAIN DOWN AND KILL YOU WHEN YOU SLEEP! AIEEEE! THEY’VE GOT NUKES! NUKES!! NUKES!!
thank you and goodnight
NUKES!!!
Cheney then broke free from his handlers and mauled three children before finally being shot with a tranquelizer dart and being removed to an undisclosed location

Uh, sorry that title should say “Zell Miller,” but I can’t seem to find my delete key.

Now, while young Americans are dying in the sands of Iraq and the mountains of Afghanistan, our nation is being torn apart and made weaker because of the Democrat’s manic obsession to bring down our Commander in Chief.

Um, by running an election campaign? Isn’t that what is suppossed to happen? I mean, it’s not like he got impeached for a private consentual affair after spending years a meandering “investigation” that spent millions of dollars looking for any dirt it could find, say like the Republicans did to Clinton.

What has happened to the party I’ve spent my life working in?

Well, when that “breath of fresh air” Nixon adopted his Southern Strategy, the northern part of the Democratic party got control and they dropped the white supremacy plank in the south. Was this a rhetorical question?

And nothing makes this Marine madder than someone calling American troops occupiers rather than liberators.

and trust me, I’m completely mad.

Tell that to the half a billion men, women and children who are free today from the Baltics to the Crimea, from Poland to Siberia, because Ronald Reagan rebuilt a military of liberators, not occupiers.

Not that reality has anything to do with Republican speeches, but it should be noted that Reagan’s hard line actually temporarily pushed reformists out of power in the Soviet Union and hard liners got control as he started an arms race. I mean, reform happened despite Reagan, not because of him.

For it has been said so truthfully that it is the soldier, not the reporter, who has given us the freedom of the press. It is the soldier, not the poet, who has given us freedom of speech.

um, what?

It is the soldier, not the agitator, who has given us the freedom to protest.

It is the soldier who salutes the flag, serves beneath the flag, whose coffin is draped by the flag, who gives that protester the freedom to abuse and burn that flag.

Is this some sort of World War II reference? Soldiers didn’t fight and die for constitutiion so that people could exercize their constitutional rights, damnit!
I’ll never forget the battle of the first amendment, when soldiers stormed schools and removed prayer. Oh now wait, that was case law, wasn’t it? Gee, it seems like lawyers and activist have a lot more to do with protecting our rights.

[Democrats] don’t believe there is any real danger in the world except that which America brings upon itself through our clumsy and misguided foreign policy.

does anyone really beleive that terrorists hate our freedom? I mean, anybody serious?

Listing all the weapon systems that Senator Kerry tried his best to shut down sounds like an auctioneer selling off our national security but Americans need to know the facts.

While I really wish it was true that Kerry had tried to shut down all these weapon systems, he merely voted against one defense bill that Dick Cheney also voted against. Perhaps Dick Cheney is also anti-weapon?

I could go on and on and on: against the Patriot Missile that shot down Saddam Hussein’s scud missiles over Israel; against the Aegis air-defense cruiser; against the Strategic Defense Initiative; against the Trident missile; against, against, against.

If Kerry really was against Patriot Missles, which actually created more falling explosives and debris over Israel, and against Star Wars, wouldn’t those be points in his favor?

U.S. forces armed with what? Spitballs?

ha ha ha. This is funny because I’ve totally distorted the record!

Senator Kerry has made it clear that he would use military force only if approved by the United Nations.

Kerry would let Paris decide when America needs defending.

I want Bush to decide.

the United States was instrumental in founding the United Nations so that other countries would avoid war. We can have war whenever we want. Especially against those stinky French! and their snotty Parisian waiters! Or whoever Bush thinks looks shifty today!

From John Kerry, they get a “yes-no-maybe” bowl of mush that can only encourage our enemies and confuse our friends.

“Bowl of mush”? Perhaps it got mushy from being left out to long in the breeze fo freedom?

I first got to know George Bush when we served as governors together. I admire this man. I am moved by the respect he shows the first lady, his unabashed love for his parents and his daughters, and the fact that he is unashamed of his belief that God is not indifferent to America.

True story: My housemate’s friend was standing outside of MSG with a sign that said “keep the church and the state seperate” and some RNC delegates approached him and asked “why?”
god is only on the side of those who talk about him incessantly and want to make him the true ruler of a theocratic government. Because the terrorists can’t hate our freedoms if we get rid of them. Especially if soldiers do it.

I finally arrived here in 1968. I had empty pockets, but I was full of dreams. The presidential campaign was in full swing. I remember watching the Nixon and Humphrey presidential race on TV. A friend who spoke German and English, translated for me. I heard Humphrey saying things that sounded like socialism, which is what I had just left. But then I heard Nixon speak. He was talking about free enterprise, getting government off your back, lowering taxes and strengthening the military. Listening to Nixon speak sounded more like a breath of fresh air.

Nixon? Sounded like a breath of fresh air? Appealing to whiste southern racists was a breath of fresh air?

To my fellow immigrants listening tonight, I want you to know how welcome you are in this party. We Republicans admire your ambition. We encourage your dreams. We believe in your future. One thing I learned about America is that if you work hard and play by the rules, this country is truly open to you. You can achieve anything.

especially if you look like the ruling class

Everything I have my career my success my family I owe to America. In this country, it doesn’t make any difference where you were born. It doesn’t make any difference who your parents were. It doesn’t make any difference if, like me, you couldn’t even speak English until you were in your twenties.

I’m governor of California and I just want to let you know that all the struggling Mexicans are just lazy.

If you believe that government should be accountable to the people, not the people to the government…then you are a Republican! If you believe a person should be treated as an individual, not as a member of an interest group… then you are a Republican! If you believe your family knows how to spend your money better than the government does… then you are a Republican! If you believe our educational system should be held accountable for the progress of our children … then you are a Republican! If you believe this country, not the United Nations, is the best hope of democracy in the world … then you are a Republican! And, ladies and gentlemen …if you believe we must be fierce and relentless and terminate terrorism … then you are a Republican!

Yes, I want an accountable government!
Yes, I’m an individual! oh, no wait, does he mean a “special interest group” like old people lobbying for social security or gay people arguing for their rights or black people demanding affirmative action or women wanting equal pay? United we stand devided, we get rolled over.
I know how to spend my money! oh, no wait. Does this mean that I have no garuntee of basic services? Isn’t it better to have the government build roads than have private toll roads? Taxes are used to pay for things that help me and my family.
Yay education! Wait, with no yaxes, there’s no education and . . . HEY!! this is about testing isn’t it? boo!
Terrorism? By like getting in wars with third world countries like Iraq which have no connection to terrorism? Oh, wait. He said “terminate.” ha ha ha. I get it.

There is another way you can tell you’re a Republican. You have faith in free enterprise, faith in the resourcefulness of the American people … and faith in the U.S. economy. To those critics who are so pessimistic about our economy, I say: “Don’t be economic girlie men!”

Yes, if you’re still rich, then you’re a Republican. If you’re worried about the poor, you’re a pussie. and if you are poor, well, ha ha ha, cunt. Using female imagry as signs of weakness shows that I have balls.

The U.S. economy remains the envy of the world. We have the highest economic growth of any of the world’s major industrialized nations. Don’t you remember the pessimism of 20 years ago when the critics said Japan and Germany were overtaking the U.S.? Ridiculous!

History is inevitable, so any worry that didn’t actually occur is ludicrous. Obviously it was our destiny to be in the lead, as it’s what happened. Also, the soviet bloc was never really a threat beacuse nothing bad ever happened, which is the opposite of how I opened my speech, but I’m an actor, I just read lines.

He knows you don’t reason with terrorists. You defeat them. He knows you can’t reason with people blinded by hate. They hate the power of the individual. They hate the progress of women. They hate the religious freedom of others. They hate the liberating breeze of democracy. But ladies and gentlemen, their hate is no match for America’s decency.

“liberating breeze”???
they hate the progress of women and so do we! Girlie men!
They hate our religion and we hate theirs!
“liberating breeze”?

We’re the America that sends out Peace Corps volunteers to teach village children. We’re the America that sends out missionaries and doctors to raise up the poor and the sick. We’re the America that gives more than any other country, to fight aids in Africa and the developing world. And we’re the America that fights not for imperialism but for human rights and democracy.

“We’re the America that gives more than any other country, to fight aids in Africa and the developing world.” That’s an outright lie. and something like 30% of our anti-AIDS money is going to abstinence only programs. Not for teenages. For adults in Africa. Remaining abstinant for their entire lives. That’s what we’re telling them. Because anything that limits the number of brown people is good.

You know, when the Germans brought down the Berlin Wall, America’s determination helped wield the sledgehammers. When that lone, young Chinese man stood in front of those tanks in Tiananmen Square, America’s hopes stood with him. And when Nelson Mandela smiled in election victory after all those years in prison, America celebrated, too.

Um, didn’t we extend most favored nation trade status to China right after that? and didn’t we back apartheid for years and years? and, um, wow, this speech is mostly untrue, isn’t it?

Besides, since we’ve graduated from college, we’re looking around for something to do for the next few years . . ..
Kind of like dad.

Since he’s about to be out of office.

Take this. I know it’s hard to believe, but our parents’ favorite term of endearment for each other is actually “Bushy.”  . . .. And we had a hamster, too. Let’s just say ours didn’t make it.

I don’t know what this means, but I strongly suspect I should say ewwww. Heterosexuals are weird.

When you grow up as the daughters of George and Laura Bush, you develop a special appreciation for how blessed we are to live in this great country.

I love this silver spoon.
And the Kids for Kerry Speech was better than this one, and that kid was way younger.

Welcome to the capital of the World.

I make this claim, not just because Manhattanites are smug, but because this city is home to one of the world’s most important international institutions. If any place could be said to be the capital of the world, it would be the city where representatives of all the nations meet to arrive at international policies, set international law and promote international peace. In the UN buildings, just across town from here, the world comes together to resolve differences and avoid senselss war. I call New York the capital of the World because this party, this country, and all of us here are comitted to an international outlook, benefitting all people.
hahahaha. just kidding. USA rules! smug smug smug

So long as George Bush is President, is there any doubt they will continue to hear from us until we defeat global terrorism.

We will win our war with Oceania. We have always been at war with Oceania

It makes a statement that New York City and America are open for business and stronger than ever.

It’s open for buisiness because it’s all for sale.

At the time, we believed we would be attacked many more times that day and in the days that followed. Spontaneously, I grabbed the arm of then Police Commissioner Bernard Kerik and said to Bernie, “Thank God George Bush is our President.”

That cannot really have happened. I refuse to believe it. The guy who was on vacation and ignored memos entitled subtle things like, “Bin Laden Determined To Strike in US,” and who sat and blinked confusedly for many minutes readin My Pet Goat and then fled in his airplane first one direction and then another, creating a power vacuum. I mean . . .
Personally, my first thought was wishing Clinton was back in office. I was standing in the subway in Barcellona, watching the towers fall on the TV screens there and thinking, “I bet Al Gore would have an idea what to do.” Seriously.

In 1985, terrorists attacked the Achille Lauro and murdered an American citizen who was in a wheelchair, Leon Klinghoffer.

It is a terrible crime to attack a man in a wheelchair, especially with a missle, unless Israel does it . . .

Terrorist acts became a ticket to the international bargaining table.
How else to explain Yasser Arafat winning the Nobel Peace Prize when he was supporting a terrorist plague in the Middle East that undermined any chance of peace?

I mean, how else to explain it aside from, you know, distorting facts, ignoring data and just generally lying?

Before September 11, we were living with an unrealistic view of the world much like our observing Europe appease Hitler or trying to accommodate ourselves to peaceful co-existence with the Soviet Union through mutually assured destruction.

hitler hitler hitler hitler. this thread is done.

Ronald Reagan saw and described the Soviet Union as “the evil empire” while world opinion accepted it as inevitable and belittled Ronald Reagan’s intelligence.

Um. Is that a joke?

John Kerry has no such clear, precise and consistent vision.
This is not a personal criticism of John Kerry.

John Kerry smells funny and can’t get it up. This is not a personal criticism of Kerry. It’s the sad truth. Stinky and impotent.

But John Kerry has made it the rule to change his position, rather than the exception. In October, 2003, he told an Arab-American Institute in Detroit that a security barrier separating Israel from the Palestinian Territories was a “barrier to peace.”
A few months later, he took exactly the opposite position. In an interview with the Jerusalem Post he said, “Israel’s security fence is a legitimate act of self defense.”

Mr Giuliani, I’m afraid your pants are on fire.

Now New York construction workers are very special people. I’m sure this is true all over but I know the ones here the best. They were real heroes along with many others that day, volunteering immediately. And they’re big, real big. Their arms are bigger than my legs and their opinions are even bigger than their arms.

And now more than half of them have respiratory ailments from working on Ground Zero, which the EPA said was safe. The EPA knew it wasn’t safe. But re-opening the financial markets was more important than those guys.

Frankly, I believed then and I believe now that Saddam Hussein, who supported global terrorism, slaughtered hundreds of thousands of his own people, permitted horrific atrocities against women, and used weapons of mass destruction, was himself a weapon of mass destruction.

We found the WMD!!!!

Rather than trying to grant more freedom, create more income, improve education and basic health care, these governments deflect their own failures by pointing to America and Israel and other external scapegoats.

Rather than trying to grant more freedom, create more income, improve education and basic health care, Bush deflects his own failures by pointing to Iraq and other external scapegoats.

But blaming these scapegoats does not improve the life of a single person in the Arab world. It does not relieve the plight of even one woman in Iran.
It does not give a decent living to a single soul in Syria. It certainly does not stop the slaughter of African Christians in the Sudan.

There’s also an alarming and widespread genocide in the Sudan, but it’s against Black African Muslims, so who cares.

But we will know it. We’ll know it as accountable governments continue to develop in countries like Pakistan, Afghanistan and Iraq.

Pakistan – military dictator
Afghanistan – oil company apointee with no control outside of the capital city
Iraq – Guy who shot six prisoners in the head.

And behind the times convention blogging:

John McCain

After years of failed diplomacy and limited military pressure to restrain Saddam Hussein, President Bush made the difficult decision to liberate Iraq.

liberate verb – grant freedom to;
(slang) to steal

Whether or not Saddam possessed the terrible weapons he once had and used, freed from international pressure and the threat of military action, he would have acquired them again.

Wow! We acted just in the nick of time! The Sanctions were about to be lifted and the “no-fly-zones” were coming apart at the seams. If we had waited even one week longer there would have been no international pressure or threat of military action whatsoever! I mean, it’s not as if we were bombin Iraq weekly for the 11 years previous to the war! oh, no, wait . . . we did bomb them weekly for the last 11 years.
Let’s focus on what’s important here: Hussein’s evil desires and lusts. He lusts for weapons of mass desturction. Much as we hate the sin of homosexuality and hate the homosexual sinner for his lusts, we must hate Hussein for his lusts. It is a founding principle of America that we punish people not just for their deeds, but also for their desires.

We couldn’t afford the risk posed by an unconstrained Saddam in these dangerous times.

And remember, he was just minutes away from having no oversight whatsoever when we struck.

By destroying his regime we gave hope to people long oppressed that if they have the courage to fight for it, they may live in peace and freedom.

Bring ’em on!
oh, he didn’t mean fight US forces?

I said earlier that the sacrifices in this war will not be shared equally by all Americans. The President is the first to observe, most of the sacrifices fall, as they have before, to the brave men and women of our Armed Forces. We may be good citizens, but make no mistake, they are the very best of us.

the poor will be paying for this war, but no worries. The trickle down effects of no-bid contracts to the vice president’s company will benefit all of the super wealthy and the very wealthy and maybe, eventually, the upper upper middle class.

It shook us from our complacency in the belief that the Cold War’s end had ushered in a time of global tranquility.

It turns out that the lack of a military super power enemy actually doesn’t mean that we can pillage the third world with impunity.

We are Americans first, Americans last, Americans always.

Would foreigners blease report to a special holding cell at the back of the center. thank you.

One thing I noticed during all the protests was the lack of a visible queer presence. There would occassionaly be somebody holding up a sign about gay marriage or something, but no group of out queers. The closest I saw was during the march from the WTC to MSG, a truck with a billboard on it drove by (I hate this advertising idea, btw) and the billboard was from the Human Rights Commission, which is a lobby for GLB rights.

All of that marching was tiring and the huge number of arrests was worrying, so the next day, we went to a small anti-war protest at Union Square Park and then to the MET and looked at thier Dangerous Laisons exhibit and their modern art wing. Then we walked towards the NOW rally. I stopped on the way and got in a looong coversation with some members of the Revolutionary Communist Party. They’re Maoists. They follow some guy named Bob Avakian. I told them that they seemed to messianic. Anyway, We went to the NOW rally, where the cops had put up a labrynthe of barricades. Some folks had to walk nine blocks out of the way to get to it. Alan pondered whether or not the cops had organized the rally, because it was so tame and mainstream, he thought, but they didn’t even want people to stand around listening to the NOW.
And the NOW is where I found the queer content. Almost ever speaker was a lesbian, although they rarely addressed queer issues, except to say that after thousands of jobs lost and thousands of people becoming uninsured, gay marriage doesn’t seem like an issue to focus on. Ok.
they left addressing queer issues to the performers, who included a baby boomer singing about Stonewall, some spoken word poets going on about sleeping with their girlfriends, and other songs. The baby boomer had a song about a woman named Rose who had died from a back alley abortiong before one could get a safe one. The refrain:

get your laws off me
i’m not your property
don’t plan my family
i’ll plan my own
 
I don’t want to be
in your theocracy
remember liberty
remember Rose

Despite some reports to the contrary, none of her songs were to the tune of America the Beautiful.
The NYC chapter of NOW s the founding chapter. Speakers included their president, the national president, some Air America contributors, somebody from the NYCLU (arrests at demonstrations have been increasing nationwide over the last few years, despite peacefulness) and others. They were funny (“there is so much mercury in water now, under the bush administartion, that you can actually take your temperature just by drinking it”), up with women, up with lesbians (i heard the word “bi” exactly once and in a song. NYC = SF ten or more years ago). It was the sort of instutional feminism that I remember from my undergrad days. It was low key, but inspiring. We must go and take active steps after the convention to defeat Bush.

Last day

And the last day of the convention, after more than 1500 arrests by the NYPD and more than 987 dead US soldiers in Iraq, we went to Washington Square Park and hung out at the Vetrans for Peace Rally. There was a side event there, invloving Ring Out and the folks that have been doing Paul Revere’s Ride stuff around the convention. the day before it started, they rode their bikes around NYC shouting “The Republicans are Coming.” One if by jet and two if by SUV, apparently. They needed folks to ring bells so they could read a list of their grievances against Bush and topple a “statue” of him. Cola and I participated as bell ringers. Mostly we stood for a long time holding bells over our heads. Bells are heavy. Then, after the statue was toppeled, people signed the “declaration of independance.” their demands were very mainstream. They were partiots, who beleive in the system. Ok. I was happy to help.
some media website published a picture of the event, which our hosts stumbled upon. Rebbie sent out a very braggy email about how her activists had gotten into the media. She was very pleased. I’m glad for this, as I was worried about imposing by staying in her teeeny apartment for so many days.
After ringing bells, we went to look at the UN. I really like the UN. I think internationalism is a great idea. A UN body, UNESCO, has specifically endorsed Esperanto. I’m thinking of flying a UN flag outside my house. If only we listened to the UN more often!
So I went to look at the UN buildings and saw across the street, a demonstration to end the genocide in Dafur. I took their picture and said “right on.” One interresting thing about the demonstration was that it included absolutely no women. They were chanting something about stopping rape. I have no idea why it was all male. Anyway, I was pleased as punch to find out that tourists were allowed inside the UN. A cop stopped me. No protest of any kind is allowed in the UN. I didn’t buy any ant-bush clothing, so my clothes were permissable, but all my srtickers and buttons had to come off. I was trying to get through security and had fogotten that I had a sticker on my back. they made a huge deal out of it. What is that?! What am I trying to pull?! A bunch of them came over and shook their heads about how I was trying to get a sticvker inside. The UN is great, but cops are cops. I really hate them now. I’ve had good experience with some in the past, but I’m really tired of being treated like a suspect because I want to fly in an airplane or go into a public building or exercize my first amendment rights. And, since the UN is not US territory, those rights didn’t even exist. I was worried about being arrested. What would happen if I were arrested inside the UN for wearing a sticker? Where would they send me?
We hung around the lobby a little while, but the tour was expensive, so we went back to Washington Square Park and held up our “No” signs. Instead of hanging around the UFPJ rally, we decided to be mroe badass and go down to Madison Square Gardens. We knew that the sound weapons, the 150 decibel “megaphones” were out so we took earplugs. The rally turned out to be so loud that the cops wouldn’t even need to use the sound weapons. Extremely loud speakers, folks with drums and whistels. Somebody right behind me had built a trumpet out of a rubber hose and a funnel. It was insanely loud. I put in earplugs.
The protest spanned more than 4 blocks. It just kept growing until it was rodered to disperse. The speakers were not exciting at all, except for someone from the national lawyers guild. Those folks were working as leagal observers. The wore bright green baseball caps and were at every single event, even more than the NYCLU. They passed out little pamphelts explaining rights and what to do if arrrested (or if the cops come to your door asking questions). They were at everything that I went to. They’re awesome. 13 of them were arrested during the protests. Two of them got beaten. They were watching, they were not participating. they were clearly identified as legal observers. the cops got them anyway. an undercover cop offered one of them forty dollars for the hat. S/he wanted to pose as a lawyer and offer folks legal advice. Is that even constitutional? The NLGF person did not sell.
the NLGF is awesome. They’ve done a lot of good work on a lot of issues. They rule.
At some point in the protest, a bunch of cops came out in full riot gear. Shields. Huge batons. Helmets. I was freaked out by them and also by the possibility that they would blast us with sound. But there were cops on the other side of the protest not wearing helmets or any visible ear protection. For that kind of volume, people have to wear the big headsets like they were around jet engines. I couldn’t beleive they would blast their own guys. Later I found out that they had actually turned the thing on. Maybe they would have blasted their own guys. Or maybe they sould have just relied on the snipers in the blimp overhead.
They ordered us to leave, so we walked blocks and blocks down 8th ave, the open street, while a helicopter buzzed right overhead. BUZZZZZ. A bunch of cops on unmarked motorcycles came riding around. They were “undercover,” but they were all wearing body armor and helmets and riding in formation the wrong way around a one way street. They followed us for a while, while vans full of cops went back and forth. And the damn helicopter, still loud and overhead. All that weaponry: snipers, sound weapons, batons, tear gas, rifles, guns, vans, scooters (some cop ran his scooter into a bunch of protesters earlier in the week. the vans and scooters are weapons), the wearing sounds of the multiple military helicopters overhead, all just for us. A bunch of people on foot with cardboard signs. I didn’t even have my pocket knife on me. Nor my self defense weapon. Cardboard signs supported by carboard tubes (wooden dowels will get confiscated) and they had the power to kill all of us and were buisly flexing muscles and demonstrating that power. They did not want people to forget that they could be killed or arrested at the whim of the police.
somebody I know spent two days in jail, in a bus garage. That garage has motor oil on the floor of it. battery acid. the junk that leaks out of busses. And it’s not cleaned up and there are no chairs. Alan said that Liz has bruises on her arms from where they very tight plastic handcuffs were left on her for hours. Liz is not a violent person. I doubt she was doing anything wrong, not even blocking the sidewalk (i don’t know the details of her case). Like the hundreds of people arrested at ground zero, she was probably just in the wrong place at the wrong time.
some folks that violating civil liberties is ok, because protesters make a choice to be out in the streets. But passersby, shopkeepers and folks just trying to get home from work didn’t chose to protest and didn’t chose to be arrested. You know, and people who are not christian fundamentalists make a choice not to go to those churches, but so far, the first amendment also protects those rights. Losing freedom of religion and losing freedom of the press and losing the freedom to peaceably asssemble would be a disaster. These freedoms are in danger.
some communists feel like that if we had the right system in place, with the right laws and the right people in charge (them. errr… the proletariat), we wouldn’t need to protest because everything would be ok. But we have laws now protecting our freedoms and they’re not followed. We need governments because we need schools and roads and firefighters and healthcare and other services that should be garunteed. But any government must be questioned. Even a government of laws and not men (as they say) can go wrong if not questioned by the populace. We will always need the freedom to protest, to peaceably assemble and to petition for the redress of greivances. Zell Miller says that we owe these rights to soldiers. I say we owe them to case law. to folks like the National Lawyers Guild. And to protesters who know their rights would nto be respected, but went out anyway and were hit with batons and tear gas and high pressure water. the ACLU, the NLG, the NAACP LDF more than any other cop with a gun or somebody shooting kids in Iraq, the good lawyers protect our freedom.

It is clearly Autumn in Connecticut. As I was driving back from droping Cola off at the airport to go home, I noticed many yellow trees with piles of leaves collecting bellow them. And trees with red sections, like wounds, where the leaves are dying but the rest of the tree is still fine. The insects are chirping, but dying like the leaves. It gets cold at night and it will get colder. way way way colder.

Everyone is back in town here. Classes start tomorrow. “Labor day” i guess is a holiday for the help, or blue collar types and not the independant ivy. Jess’ boyfriend says that labor day was foinded to de-internationalize labor, because their old holiday, the one the rest of the world celebrates, is May Day, a remebrance of the Haymarket Massacre. Maybe we get May Day off.
Aaron, my housemate, has broken up with his long term gf, within the last week or so. I think it’s ok to post this, as he’s been telling everyone.
Jess has moved into India House.
I can’t remember my way around Hartford. Like all the returning grads, I needed to get my car jumpstarted. People with jumper cables are in high demand. My bank account was depleted by my time in NYC. alas. I should draw up a budjet. It’s the in thing to do. I need notebooks and pencils and a bookshelf.
My room continues to get more livable. Between you and me, I’m really dreading school. It’s only 8 more months. Only 8 more months. It won’t freeze right away. The weather is still lovely. I have no pappers to write yet. Only 8 more months to get through.