Les said, the better II

All three are pretty cool. I feel so light on my feet, only having three classes. But I must write a lot of music. I must write a solo vocal piece by tomorrow evening. I will take the text by a blog liscenced under a creative commons liscence that allows derrivative works. It is my plan to use blogs under that liscnce as a source for words for any future works. If you want your blog to be a possible source for songs I write, you should so liscence your blog. If you don’t want me mucking around with your words, then don’t liscence anything.

I took my language exam today in Esperanto. UC Sanata Cruz faxed me some text by Lou Harrison. They are super awesome. I found out that I could have just used a magazine. I wish that I had, as lou designed his own fonts and they’re hard to read. I will keep this in mind if (when) I re-take the exam in the spring.
I have things I could rant about (no, not republicans (except: who are these swing voters? and kerry has a 20 point lead among people who vote based on issues. what else do you vote on? who’s cuter?)), but it would be unseemly, to rant publically.
I’ve received word that Chicken, a cat belonging to my ex, has taken to making flying attack leaps and drawing blood on people above the waist. Do you like ferral cats? Would you like to host one for a while? I think maybe a large cage is the answer. If she were a dog, she’d be in the pound right now. Heck, if she belonged to me, she’d be in the pound right now. Maybe she’ll go to the pound anyway.

the New York Times has published pictures of the thousand soldiers killed in Iraq.

You know why this guy kicks ass? Because he’s so on-message! Right, like, anything we disagree with is terrorism. Like, we don’t like Iraq, so they’re all terrorists. Well, we don’t like the teacher’s union. So Paige called them a terrorist organization. Isn’t that awesome?

Whatever the size of our armed forces or economy, no nation can sustain its greatness unless it educates all of its citizens, not just some of it. 

Um, some of “them.” Education are sure important.

No one understands this better than President Bush.

No one else has the courage to ask “is our children learning?”

He’s always had a compassionate vision for education

We know what “compassionate” means when we apply it to Bush. Don’t worry. We won’t have the masses getting uppity with book learning.
This speech is too short to mock properly. They must have given this guy all of ten minutes. Either that or he spoke really slowly. I think it shows where education falls on the Bush agenda. Now that we’ve heard a short speech on education, we can get back to the important stuff: war, terror, fears and icky queers.
Hell, he probably said something about NEA terrorists because he thought somebody from the white house might accidentally pay attnetion to education.

This is weird, cuz remember when Frist got in trouble for racism and then got disgraced and lost his position of leadership? Why are they letting him speak after that? What do you mean he didn’t get in trouble for it? what?

Well, today the nameplate on the door of my Capitol office reads just that William Frist M.D. It’s a constant reminder of my dad’s advice: to work each day to better the life of every individual American.

I’m a doctor, so nothing I say can possibly be wrong or crazy

Thanks to [Bush’s] leadership, over 40 million seniors and individuals with disabilities will soon have access to prescription drugs.

What’s more, prescription drug coverage is the centerpiece of something bigger: the first real reform of Medicare since its creation.

Something had to be done about medicare. I mean, billionaires don’t need it. Why is it still here?
So, we started by changing it so people could sacrifice benefits for drugs. Just because I’m a doctor, you don’t need to worry. I’m a Republican. No one in this party since Nixon will ever tell you that healthcare is a right.

And let me point out that our opponents talked about doing this for eight years.

ha ha ha! Remember how we derailed them? Hoo-boy, we ran those ads. And we attacked the health plan until it was on life support. and then we practiced some compassionate euthanasia on it. Can I give a shout-out to my good buddy, Dr. Kevorkian!

Our opponents have a way of confusing compassion with dependency.

We believe true compassion encourages and empowers Americans to be responsible and take control of their own lives.

That’s what President Bush and the Republican Congress did when we made Health Savings Accounts (HSAs) the law of the land.

Because it’s not compassionate to just give somebody with cancer radiation treatment. That’s like giving a starving person a fish instead of teaching them to fish. If we don’t encourage people with cancer to have extra income, how will they ever have any savings. Look, people, it’s simple: stop living from hand to mouth and from paycheck to paycheck. If you want to survive cancer, you’re going to have to stop being so poor.

So here’s the choice: do we grow the bureaucracy and gouge you with higher taxes, as Mr. Kerry will do?

Or, do we let the American people grow their own HSAs and own their health care, as George Bush wants to do?

Do we want to help our rich friends dodge taxes or do we want to help poor people keep living their miserable lives? You know, one of the great tenants of McKinleyism was social darwinism. It’s an idea whose time has come back.

Another reason health care costs too much is our abused medical liability system.

The culprits are personal injury trial lawyers.

We oppose these predators.

They are so evil. They have the crazy idea that companies should pay for hurting people. And did you realize that the democratic veep candidate is one of these vipers? He’s clearly a communist.

[A doctor] said the [insurance] situation has worsened. Though he has never been sued, his liability insurance has doubled.

And although regulating insurance would be the logical solution to this problem, or better yet, nationalizing care, that would cut the profits of our biggest donors, so we’ll screw patients instead.

That hospital has the only level 1 trauma center in the region. What if it closes?

Vote for us or terrorists will attack us with nuclear weapons, all the hospitals will close and your children will be molested by homosexuals!

Let’s be clear: you can no longer be both pro-patient and pro-trial lawyer.

Really, you can’t be pro-patient and pro insurance company, but hey, let’s blame people who advocate for patient’s rights. Have you ever had an accountant deny a standard treatment to a gravely ill relative? Well, it’s not the fault of the accountant, it’s the fault of the lawyer you hired to write them a threatening letter so they would treat your mother’s cancer.

[Edwards] is the “Dr. No” of tort reform in America.

Liberals are so out of control with their over-the-top rhetoric! Have you seen the crazy things the protesters have on their signs?

An embryo is biologically human. It deserves moral respect.

unlike those non-billionaires who are sick and think insurance companies should have to pay for treatments.

Tax credits for the uninsured, electronic medical records, a just, fair and fast medical liability system: these could be part of our future. But, only one candidate will lead us there – President George W. Bush.

Cuz uninsured people totally have extra cash!

We have a choice. John Kerry’s trillion-dollar government-run plan will place your health in the hands of others far away.

Allowing folks access to healthcare costs too much.
Everything is better if it’s done for the benefit of rugged individuals. Cuz that means people who can pay for it! Not those stinky poor people. If we did things collectively, why that might be more efficient. And remember, profits come from inefficiency. This party will never stand in the way of profit. Especially not on behalf of people who can’t donate to us.

Hey, remember when she was running against Bush in the primaries and then her own husband donated a bunch of money to bush and not her? I bet she does too! (insert viagara joke here)

[Mr. President,] You have restored honor and dignity to the White House.

Number of blowjobs from interns: zero!
Amount of blow ingested: let’s no discuss that.

[Republicans] still believe that character is king. We saw that lived out in the life of Ronald Wilson Reagan.

Asleep in meetings? Can hardly string a sentence together? Have no idea what’s going on? It’s ok as long as you look good and like puppies.

Ronald Reagan, who called an empire evil and won the Cold War.

This party will never learn from massive foreign policy blunders. And if things work out despite all of our near-disasterous errors, well, we’ll take credit for it forever.

We still believe that liberty is the birthright of every soul. That’s why in Afghanistan, women were freed from virtual slavery and given access to books and education and a future. That’s why in Afghanistan and Iraq, the dark clouds of oppression have parted for 50 million people.

Yes, everything in Afghanistan is going great.

And until they can clearly see the blue skies of freedom, we are standing by them. 

Ok, it’s not actually going great. And we’re not actually standing by them, siince we’ve diverted all our troops to Iraq, but her, who cares?

Yet we know our true strength is not in our weapons. We are a great nation because we are a good people. And we are a good people because of what we believe. We believe in the dignity of every life, the possibility of every mind, the divinity of every soul. This is our true north. We believe in life . . . the new life of a man and woman joined together under God. Marriage is not important because it’s a convenient invention or the latest reality show. Marriage is important because it is the cornerstone of civilization and the foundation of the family.

Our strength is not just in our big bombs, but also our willful intolerance. Yes, my fellow americans, ignorace is strength.

We value the sacred life of every man, woman, and child. We believe in a culture that respects all life including the most vulnerable in our society, the frail elderly, the infirm, and those not yet born. 

Unless the fetus is a homo and then it can go to hell.

We believe in the treasured life of faith. Two-thousand years ago, a man said, “I have come to give life and to give it in full.” In America, I have the freedom to call that man Lord, and I do.

Well, saying that is more or less compulsory in this convention and, hopefully, will be soon all over the world. And then we’ll all have that freedom. Freedom is slavery.

In the United States of America, we are free to worship without discrimination, without intervention, and even without activist judges trying to strip the name of God from the pledge of allegiance, from the money in our pockets, and from the walls of our courthouses.

Everyone in America freely worships Jesus Christ as their personal Lord and Savior or else. Freedom is slavery.

The Constitution guarantees freedom of religion, not freedom from religion.

I saw that on a bumper sticker on a humvee in the parking lot! Isn’t it clever? We can all worship Jesus in the fundamentalist church of our own choosing!

The last century was known as the “American Century.” In a single lifetime, I have seen Americans split the atom, abolish Jim Crow, eliminate the scourge of polio, win the Cold War, plant our flag on the surface of the moon, map the human genetic code, and belatedly recognize the talents of women, minorities, the disabled and others once relegated to the shadows. 

Um, but we invented Jim Crow . . .
And a little too belatedly. They told me a lady couldn’t be president. My own husband refused to support me! You bastards will let me speak on this stage, but not sit in the oval office. You sexist assholes. I would like to conclude this speech, not in the requisite call for blessing, but by telling you to all go Cheney yourselves.

No political figure is too unimportant to lampoon, especially ones that write lesbian pulp fiction and go on to have lesbian daughters.

It was just eight — just eight days ago that Dick and I embarked on this campaign. And the enormity of the honor that you have bestowed upon him is still sinking in. It is such a proud moment for our family.

and unlike my daughter, I like dick. heh heh.

Hello, family.

Hi mom!

My task tonight is to introduce Dick. And I could start with his resume. It is a pretty spiffy resume: White House chief of staff, congressman, defense secretary, distinguished business leader. But since I have a unique perspective on Dick’s life, I want to spend most of my time telling you things you may not know.

I just said “spiffy” because I’m a woman of the people. Really, even more so, a political wife. I am not an elite academic or the author of several books. I’m a republican stepford wife. And Bush is from Texas.

I have heard Dick talk about visiting his grandparents, staying with them in the railroad car in which they lived, and traveling up and down the line as his granddad cooked for the section gangs. This was not only an enormous adventure for a boy of 9 or 10, Dick learned from his time with his grandfather that cooking is an honorable male occupation.

not only has Dick interacted with the working class without spitting on them, he’s actually descended from them. And being around the non-rich is certainly an adventure, as I’m sure you delegates know, especially those of you brave enough to try riding the subways in this crazy city!
also, dick isn’t 100% mysoginist!

Conversations with Dick have a way of taking unexpected turns; problems get redefined and you find yourself thinking about things in new ways. I cannot imagine the discussion that would not benefit from his presence. He will be a very good vice president.

He completely twists the facts, makes things up and frames the dialog in an insane way. Also… wait a minute . … this is a speech from the 2000 convention. damn it

Mr. Chairman, delegates, fellow citizens: I am honored by your support, and I accept your nomination for President of the United States.

You like me! You really like me! Of course, just to be certain, we cancelled Republican primaries in several states.

When I said those words four years ago, none of us could have envisioned what these years would bring.

whoo-boy my critics did guess how bad I’d be by half!

In the heart of this great city, we saw tragedy arrive on a quiet morning. We saw the bravery of rescuers grow with danger. We learned of passengers on a doomed plane who died with a courage that frightened their killers.

I’d just like to remind you of a subtle theme of this convention: 9/11! 9/11! Terror! Fear! 9/11!

Since 2001, Americans have been given hills to climb and found the strength to climb them. Now, because we have made the hard journey, we can see the valley below. Now, because we have faced challenges with resolve, we have historic goals within our reach, and greatness in our future. We will build a safer world and a more hopeful America and nothing will hold us back.

My empty platitudes really poll very well.

I believe every child can learn and every school must teach — so we passed the most important federal education reform in history. Because we acted, children are making sustained progress in reading and math, America’s schools are getting better, and nothing will hold us back.

My advisors told me no child left behind is working. They also sold me a lovely bridge across town.

I am running for President with a clear and positive plan to build a safer world and a more hopeful America. I am running with a compassionate conservative philosophy: that government should help people improve their lives, not try to run their lives. I believe this nation wants steady, consistent, principled leadership — and that is why, with your help, we will win this election.

Remember “compassionate conservatism” from my last campaign? Yeah, me neither. But I was hoping you might fall for it again. You know what they say in Tennessee, “fool me once . . . shame on . . . you . . .. fool me twice . . . can’t get fooled again”

The story of America is the story of expanding liberty: an everwidening circle, constantly growing to reach further and include more. Our nation’s founding commitment is still our deepest commitment: In our world, and here at home, we will extend the frontiers of freedom.

By expanding the Patriot Act. Freedom is slavery!

The times in which we live and work are changing dramatically. The workers of our parents’ generation typically had one job, one skill, one career — often with one company that provided health care and a pension. And most of those workers were men. Today, workers change jobs, even careers, many times during their lives, and in one of the most dramatic shifts our society has seen, two-thirds of all moms also work outside the home.

and ha ha. you can kiss that healthcare and pension goodbye.

My plan begins with providing the security and opportunity of a growing economy. We now compete in a global market that provides new buyers for our goods, but new competition for our workers. To create more jobs in America, America must be the best place in the world to do business. To create jobs, my plan will encourage investment and expansion by restraining federal spending, reducing regulation and making tax relief permanent. To create jobs, we will make our country less dependent on foreign sources of energy. To create jobs, we will expand trade and level the playing field to sell American goods and services across the globe. And we must protect small business owners and workers from the explosion of frivolous lawsuits that threaten jobs across America.

To create corporate wealth, we need to be more buisiness-friendly and less worker friendly. We need to forget the notion that governments exist for the benefit of people. You pay your taxes to help companies, not for schools or roads. And forget about clean air or water. They’re expensive! Rich people aren’t going to be paying taxes anymore, so those programs have to go. We’re going to increase domestic energy production, by annexing some Middle Eastern countries. We’re going to level the playing field by getting our level of worker and environmental protections more in line with the cheapest countries in the world. If they pay only pennies per day, then so will we! New jobs already pay thousands less than the jobs eliminated during my first term. also, if workers get injured on the job, well, heh heh, We’re going to “protect” them from getting compensation for it. In this way, CEO compensations will continue to rise and billionaire wealth will continue to climb.

Another drag on our economy is the current tax code, which is a complicated mess — filled with special interest loopholes, saddling our people with more than six billion hours of paperwork and headache every year. The American people deserve — and our economic future demands — a simpler, fairer, pro-growth system. In a new term, I will lead a bipartisan effort to reform and simplify the federal tax code.

Ha ha ha! this my favorite one! You know how Issa stole a bunch of cars and then made a killing by selling car alarms? and you know how Pete Wilson made a bunch of deals with Enron to screw up California’s energy market and then a Republican used that as a campaign issue to defeat Davis? ha ha ha! I screwed up the tax code! And you know how I’m going to fix it? ha ha ha! Flat tax! think of all the money the ultra-rich will save!

In this time of change, opportunity in some communities is more distant than in others. To stand with workers in poor communities — and those that have lost manufacturing, textile and other jobs — we will create American opportunity zones. In these areas, we’ll provide tax relief and other incentives to attract new business and improve housing and job training to bring hope and work throughout all of America.

Actually, we’ll just create zones that are free from taxes and regulations and screw that housing and school stuff. A slice of the third world right in your poor neighborhood!

In a new term, I will ensure every poor county in America has a community or rural health center.

I won’t start that now or anything. Because there are certain “services” they won’t be providing. No worries about that! We don’t want that getting attention until after the election. those ladies sure do get their panties in a bunch about their baby killing “rights”

And in all we do to improve health care in America, we will make sure that health decisions are made by doctors and patients, not by bureaucrats in Washington, D.C

So you insurance guys don’t worry. Healthcare will never be a right. It will never be nationalized. We won’t demand that you cover anything in particular. didn’t I just say less government oversight?

In this time of change, government must take the side of working families. In a new term, we will change outdated labor laws to offer comp time and flex time. Our laws should never stand in the way of a more family friendly workplace.

I’m so family friendly that I’m eliminating overtime pay! That’s because when I say “family,” I mean it the way Tony Soprano means it! Get it? businesses are part of the “family”!

Another priority for a new term is to build an ownership society, because ownership brings security, and dignity and independence.

Basically, the entire country is for sale to the highest bidder. Act now, and you can own it.

These changing times can be exciting times of expanded opportunity. And here, you face a choice. My opponent’s policies are dramatically different from ours. Senator Kerry opposed Medicare reform and health savings accounts. After supporting my education reforms, he now wants to dilute them. He opposes legal and medical liability reform. He opposed reducing the marriage penalty, opposed doubling the child credit and opposed lowering income taxes for all who pay them.

Ther parties are not the same. Do not vote third party! We’re both pro-corporation, but I’m even more so! for instance, Kerry thought that “benefits” that are just for people with extra money, like allowing folks who can afford it health savings account, well, he thought that was bad, because he’s a pinko commie. And he’s against my leave no single child (leave a lot of them!) behind act. Can you beleive it? He think injured people should have rights to compensation when they get hurt on the job or by faulty products. He thinks rich people should have to pay their share of taxes! He’s way different than I am!

His policies of tax and spend — of expanding government rather than expanding opportunity — are the policies of the past. We are on the path to the future — and we are not turning back.

the future is the past! McKinley is my president!

In this world of change, some things do not change: the values we try to live by, the institutions that give our lives meaning and purpose. Our society rests on a foundation of responsibility and character and family commitment.

not on hedonistic queers!

Because family and work are sources of stability and dignity, I support welfare reform that strengthens family and requires work.

Because sending poor, single mothers off to minimum wage jobs, but not providing them with childcare, strengthens “the family.”

Because a caring society will value its weakest members, we must make a place for the unborn child.

And those poor, single mothers don’t really get a choice about becoming mothers. he he he. Unborn fetuses are our weakest members of society. poor humans are moral failures who deserve what they get.

Because religious charities provide a safety net of mercy and compassion, our government must never discriminate against them.

Please note that I’m against the entire first amendment, not just this part

Because the union of a man and woman deserves an honored place in our society, I support the protection of marriage against activist judges.

He he he. Screw the queers! I mean, not literally! ewwww!

And I will continue to appoint federal judges who know the difference between personal opinion and the strict interpretation of the law.

If you like these ideas, you’ll love my judicial nominees! Hear that, Ralph Nader??!!

My opponent recently announced that he is the candidate of “conservative values,” which must have come as a surprise to a lot of his supporters. Now, there are some problems with this claim. If you say the heart and soul of America is found in Hollywood, I’m afraid you are not the candidate of conservative values. If you voted against the bipartisan Defense of Marriage Act, which President Clinton signed, you are not the candidate of conservative values. If you gave a speech, as my opponent did, calling the Reagan presidency eight years of “moral darkness,” then you may be a lot of things, but the candidate of conservative values is not one of them.

Progressives take heart: Kerry may not exactly be a liberal, but he’s wayyyy left of Bush

his election will also determine how America responds to the continuing danger of terrorism — and you know where I stand. Three days after September 11th, I stood where Americans died, in the ruins of the Twin Towers. Workers in hard hats were shouting to me, “Whatever it takes.” A fellow grabbed me by the arm and he said, “Do not let me down.” Since that day, I wake up every morning thinking about how to better protect our country. I will never relent in defending America — whatever it takes.

that’s where I stood three days later. you know, after I quit being mesmerized by My Pet Goat

o we have fought the terrorists across the earth — not for pride, not for power, but because the lives of our citizens are at stake.

ok, nevermind, it was for pride and power after all. Also, dick’s been making a killing off of those contracts we keep giving him.

his progress involved careful diplomacy, clear moral purpose, and some tough decisions. And the toughest came on Iraq. We knew Saddam Hussein’s record of aggression and support for terror. We knew his long history of pursuing, even using, weapons of mass destruction. And we know that Sept. 11th requires our country to think differently: We must, and we will, confront threats to America before it is too late.

Note I’ve just implied a connection between Iraq and September 11 without actually stating one. My speech writers are so tricky!

Do I forget the lessons of Sept. 11th and take the word of a madman, or do I take action to defend our country? Faced with that choice, I will defend America every time.

I will never make a descision based on the word of Zell Miller.

Despite ongoing acts of violence, Iraq now has a strong prime minister, a national council, and national elections are scheduled for January.

He’s so strong he just capped a bunch of prisoners in the head! Just like that! He said, “you’re going down, motherfuckers” and then he just capped them. Just like that. He’s a strong prime minister!

The people we have freed won’t forget either. Not long ago, seven Iraqi men came to see me in the Oval Office. They had “X”s branded into their foreheads, and their right hands had been cut off, by Saddam Hussein’s secret police, the sadistic punishment for imaginary crimes. During our emotional visit one of the Iraqi men used his new prosthetic hand to slowly write out, in Arabic, a prayer for God to bless America. I am proud that our country remains the hope of the oppressed, and the greatest force for good on this earth.

thanks to the CIA, torture in Iraq will not longer leave such noticable marks.

We were honored to aid the rise of democracy in Germany and Japan and Nicaragua and Central Europe and the Baltics — and that noble story goes on.

good god! Ahnold is praising Nixon and Bush is speaking favorably of the terror we unleashed upon Nicaragua! Has the world turned upside down?

And I have met with parents and wives and husbands who have received a folded flag, and said a final goodbye to a soldier they loved.

actually, I haven’t met with any families of any of the thousand soldiers killed in Iraq, but I’ve really been meaning to.

God bless you, and may God continue to bless America.

god is on MY side and with his help, I hope to one day start fulfilling all of my non-war related campaign promises I made four years ago. thank you and goodnight.

It’s a little known fact that dick Cheney actually gave his speech from an undisclosed location and special fx were used to make it look like he was actually at MSG.

I’m sure glad Zell Miller’s on our side.

Because I’m worried otherwise he would challenge me to a duel or eat my brain or something!

People tell me that Senator Edwards got picked for his good looks, his sex appeal and his great hair. I say to them: How do you think I got the job?

um.. wow. that’s almost a good a joke as the ones the bush twins told. Also, Edwards is stupid! hahaha!

From kindergarten to graduation, I went to public schools. And I know that they are a key to being sure that every child has a chance to succeed and to rise in the world.

I have ancestors who were not billionares. I’m a populist. really.

With higher standards and new resources, America’s schools are now on an upward path to excellence, and not for just a few children, but for every child.

If we repeat this enough time, it will become true!

Opportunity also depends on a vibrant, growing economy. As President Bush and I were sworn into office, our nation was sliding into recession, and American workers were overburdened with federal taxes. Then came the events of September 11th, which hit our economy very hard. So President Bush delivered the greatest tax reduction in a generation, and the results are clear to see. 

Well, now, you all know that the recession didn’t start till after Bush took office, but, my biollionare constituients, you have all seen the results of your gigantic tax cut! *wink* *wink*

Our nation has the best health care in the world and President Bush is making it more affordable and accessible to all Americans. 

I have never had a problem getting good healthcare, or paying for good healthcare. People who say they have problems are health-care girlie men.

And there is more to do. Under this President’s leadership, we will reform medical liability so the system serves patients and good doctors, not personal injury lawyers.

Well, so it serves insurance companies, really. and protects companies from frivolous claims filed by unscrupulous personal injury lawyers who think that non-rich people should be compensated when they get maimed by faulty products.

These have been years of achievement, and we are eager for the work ahead. And in all that we do, we will never lose sight of the greatest challenge of our time: preserving the freedom and security of this nation against determined enemies.

that’s enough pretending to care about issues that actually affect people’s lives. Let’s see I mentioned schools and healthcare and taxes, all kind of in passing. check check check.

Since I last spoke to our national convention, Lynne and I have had the joy of seeing our family grow. We now have a grandson to go along with our three wonderful granddaughters…

finally! A male heir! someone worth of assuming the Cheny Mantle!
and he didn’t come from my lesbo daughter . . .

September 11th, 2001, made clear the challenges we face. On that day we saw the harm that could be done by 19 men armed with knives and boarding passes. America also awakened to a possibility even more lethal: this enemy, whose hatred of us is limitless, armed with chemical, biological, or even nuclear weapons.

Nukes! They’ve got Nukes! Good thing I have an undisclosed location! FEAR!!!

The fanatics who killed some 3,000 of our fellow Americans may have thought they could attack us with impunity, because terrorists had done so previously

Under that no-good adulter Clinton!!!! Oh, no, wait . . .

In a campaign that has reached around the world, we have captured or killed hundreds of Al Qaida. In Afghanistan, the camps where terrorists trained to kill Americans have been shut down and the Taliban driven from power. 

there were more nypd on duty during that speech than there were american soldiers in afghanistan, but whatever. Failure is sucess! Ignorance is strenght! Bush/Orwell 04!

The biggest threat we face today is having nuclear weapons fall into the hands of terrorists. The president is working with many countries in a global effort to end the trade and transfer of these deadly technologies. The most important result thus far, and it is a very important one, is that the black-market network that supplied nuclear weapons technology to Libya, as well as to Iran and North Korea, has been shut down. 

We don’t want the smoking gun to be a mushroom cloud over NYC! nukes! they’ve got nukes! run for your lives! Aieeee!

The president’s opponent is an experienced senator. He speaks often of his service in Vietnam, and we honor him for it.

By wearing baindaids with purple hearts on them, mocking him for being injured in a war that neither I nor the president went to.

But there is also a record of more than three decades since. And on the question of America’s role in the world, the differences between Senator Kerry and President Bush are the sharpest, and the stakes for the country are the highest. 

Hear that Nader supporters?!!?

Senator Kerry began his political career by saying he would like to see our troops deployed “only at the directive of the United Nations.” 

Kerry thinks war should only be as a last resort after all other options have been exhausted! What a loser!

Even in this post-9/11 period, Senator Kerry doesn’t appear to understand how the world has changed. He talks about leading a “more sensitive war on terror” . . . as though Al Qaida will be impressed with our softer side. 

Bring ’em on! you’re with us or you’re with al queda! Screw you!

We are faced with an enemy who seeks the deadliest of weapons to use against us, and we cannot wait for the next attack. We must do everything we can to prevent it, and that includes the use of military force.

Nukes!! Nukes! aIEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

Senator Kerry denounces American action when other countries don’t approve, as if the whole object of our foreign policy were to please a few persistent critics. 

what does foreign policy have to do with working with other countries? “Foreign policy” means war, right? War is Peace! Freedom is Slavery!

But, in fact, in the global war on terror, as in Afghanistan and Iraq, President Bush has brought many allies to our side.

Notice how I skillfully avoided saying that Iraq was part of the war on terror or that Bush brought many allies there. That gives me plausible deniability for any possible future war crimes trial.

George W. Bush will never seek a permission slip to defend the American people.

this line was so good in Kerry’s acceptance speech that I thought I should borrow it.

[Kerry] does not seem to understand the first obligation of a commander in chief, and that is to support American troops in combat.

by cutting pay and benefits and billing them for meals they eat in hospitals and generally impovershing vetrans like Bush has done

The other candidate in this race is a man our nation has come to know and one I’ve come to admire very much. I watch him at work every day. I have seen him face some of the hardest decisions that come to the Oval Office and make those decisions with the wisdom and humility Americans expect in their president. 

I see him every day. his expression of resolve. his posture. that crease he gets in his forehead when he’s thinking. His firm butt. . .

And he brings out those qualities in those around him. He is a man of great personal strength and, more than that, a man with a heart for the weak and the vulnerable and the afflicted. 

Excuse me, I meant to say, ” a man who rips hearts from the weak, the vunerable and afflicted and then feeds those hearts to his dogs.”

According to a news account last month, people leaving the Democratic National Convention asked a Boston policeman for directions. He replied, leave here, and go vote Republican.

Ha ha ha! I love mean cops! you know what would have ruled? If he’d said that and then he’d clubbed them!

Our president understands the miracle of this great country. He knows the hope that drives it and shares the optimism that has long been so important a part of our national character. He gets up each and every day determined to keep our great nation safe so that generations to come will know the freedom and opportunities we have known and more.

Oh, right. Optimism. check. vote for us and GIGANTIC TERRORIST NUCLEAR WEAPONS might not RAIN DOWN AND KILL YOU WHEN YOU SLEEP! AIEEEE! THEY’VE GOT NUKES! NUKES!! NUKES!!
thank you and goodnight
NUKES!!!
Cheney then broke free from his handlers and mauled three children before finally being shot with a tranquelizer dart and being removed to an undisclosed location

Uh, sorry that title should say “Zell Miller,” but I can’t seem to find my delete key.

Now, while young Americans are dying in the sands of Iraq and the mountains of Afghanistan, our nation is being torn apart and made weaker because of the Democrat’s manic obsession to bring down our Commander in Chief.

Um, by running an election campaign? Isn’t that what is suppossed to happen? I mean, it’s not like he got impeached for a private consentual affair after spending years a meandering “investigation” that spent millions of dollars looking for any dirt it could find, say like the Republicans did to Clinton.

What has happened to the party I’ve spent my life working in?

Well, when that “breath of fresh air” Nixon adopted his Southern Strategy, the northern part of the Democratic party got control and they dropped the white supremacy plank in the south. Was this a rhetorical question?

And nothing makes this Marine madder than someone calling American troops occupiers rather than liberators.

and trust me, I’m completely mad.

Tell that to the half a billion men, women and children who are free today from the Baltics to the Crimea, from Poland to Siberia, because Ronald Reagan rebuilt a military of liberators, not occupiers.

Not that reality has anything to do with Republican speeches, but it should be noted that Reagan’s hard line actually temporarily pushed reformists out of power in the Soviet Union and hard liners got control as he started an arms race. I mean, reform happened despite Reagan, not because of him.

For it has been said so truthfully that it is the soldier, not the reporter, who has given us the freedom of the press. It is the soldier, not the poet, who has given us freedom of speech.

um, what?

It is the soldier, not the agitator, who has given us the freedom to protest.

It is the soldier who salutes the flag, serves beneath the flag, whose coffin is draped by the flag, who gives that protester the freedom to abuse and burn that flag.

Is this some sort of World War II reference? Soldiers didn’t fight and die for constitutiion so that people could exercize their constitutional rights, damnit!
I’ll never forget the battle of the first amendment, when soldiers stormed schools and removed prayer. Oh now wait, that was case law, wasn’t it? Gee, it seems like lawyers and activist have a lot more to do with protecting our rights.

[Democrats] don’t believe there is any real danger in the world except that which America brings upon itself through our clumsy and misguided foreign policy.

does anyone really beleive that terrorists hate our freedom? I mean, anybody serious?

Listing all the weapon systems that Senator Kerry tried his best to shut down sounds like an auctioneer selling off our national security but Americans need to know the facts.

While I really wish it was true that Kerry had tried to shut down all these weapon systems, he merely voted against one defense bill that Dick Cheney also voted against. Perhaps Dick Cheney is also anti-weapon?

I could go on and on and on: against the Patriot Missile that shot down Saddam Hussein’s scud missiles over Israel; against the Aegis air-defense cruiser; against the Strategic Defense Initiative; against the Trident missile; against, against, against.

If Kerry really was against Patriot Missles, which actually created more falling explosives and debris over Israel, and against Star Wars, wouldn’t those be points in his favor?

U.S. forces armed with what? Spitballs?

ha ha ha. This is funny because I’ve totally distorted the record!

Senator Kerry has made it clear that he would use military force only if approved by the United Nations.

Kerry would let Paris decide when America needs defending.

I want Bush to decide.

the United States was instrumental in founding the United Nations so that other countries would avoid war. We can have war whenever we want. Especially against those stinky French! and their snotty Parisian waiters! Or whoever Bush thinks looks shifty today!

From John Kerry, they get a “yes-no-maybe” bowl of mush that can only encourage our enemies and confuse our friends.

“Bowl of mush”? Perhaps it got mushy from being left out to long in the breeze fo freedom?

I first got to know George Bush when we served as governors together. I admire this man. I am moved by the respect he shows the first lady, his unabashed love for his parents and his daughters, and the fact that he is unashamed of his belief that God is not indifferent to America.

True story: My housemate’s friend was standing outside of MSG with a sign that said “keep the church and the state seperate” and some RNC delegates approached him and asked “why?”
god is only on the side of those who talk about him incessantly and want to make him the true ruler of a theocratic government. Because the terrorists can’t hate our freedoms if we get rid of them. Especially if soldiers do it.

I finally arrived here in 1968. I had empty pockets, but I was full of dreams. The presidential campaign was in full swing. I remember watching the Nixon and Humphrey presidential race on TV. A friend who spoke German and English, translated for me. I heard Humphrey saying things that sounded like socialism, which is what I had just left. But then I heard Nixon speak. He was talking about free enterprise, getting government off your back, lowering taxes and strengthening the military. Listening to Nixon speak sounded more like a breath of fresh air.

Nixon? Sounded like a breath of fresh air? Appealing to whiste southern racists was a breath of fresh air?

To my fellow immigrants listening tonight, I want you to know how welcome you are in this party. We Republicans admire your ambition. We encourage your dreams. We believe in your future. One thing I learned about America is that if you work hard and play by the rules, this country is truly open to you. You can achieve anything.

especially if you look like the ruling class

Everything I have my career my success my family I owe to America. In this country, it doesn’t make any difference where you were born. It doesn’t make any difference who your parents were. It doesn’t make any difference if, like me, you couldn’t even speak English until you were in your twenties.

I’m governor of California and I just want to let you know that all the struggling Mexicans are just lazy.

If you believe that government should be accountable to the people, not the people to the government…then you are a Republican! If you believe a person should be treated as an individual, not as a member of an interest group… then you are a Republican! If you believe your family knows how to spend your money better than the government does… then you are a Republican! If you believe our educational system should be held accountable for the progress of our children … then you are a Republican! If you believe this country, not the United Nations, is the best hope of democracy in the world … then you are a Republican! And, ladies and gentlemen …if you believe we must be fierce and relentless and terminate terrorism … then you are a Republican!

Yes, I want an accountable government!
Yes, I’m an individual! oh, no wait, does he mean a “special interest group” like old people lobbying for social security or gay people arguing for their rights or black people demanding affirmative action or women wanting equal pay? United we stand devided, we get rolled over.
I know how to spend my money! oh, no wait. Does this mean that I have no garuntee of basic services? Isn’t it better to have the government build roads than have private toll roads? Taxes are used to pay for things that help me and my family.
Yay education! Wait, with no yaxes, there’s no education and . . . HEY!! this is about testing isn’t it? boo!
Terrorism? By like getting in wars with third world countries like Iraq which have no connection to terrorism? Oh, wait. He said “terminate.” ha ha ha. I get it.

There is another way you can tell you’re a Republican. You have faith in free enterprise, faith in the resourcefulness of the American people … and faith in the U.S. economy. To those critics who are so pessimistic about our economy, I say: “Don’t be economic girlie men!”

Yes, if you’re still rich, then you’re a Republican. If you’re worried about the poor, you’re a pussie. and if you are poor, well, ha ha ha, cunt. Using female imagry as signs of weakness shows that I have balls.

The U.S. economy remains the envy of the world. We have the highest economic growth of any of the world’s major industrialized nations. Don’t you remember the pessimism of 20 years ago when the critics said Japan and Germany were overtaking the U.S.? Ridiculous!

History is inevitable, so any worry that didn’t actually occur is ludicrous. Obviously it was our destiny to be in the lead, as it’s what happened. Also, the soviet bloc was never really a threat beacuse nothing bad ever happened, which is the opposite of how I opened my speech, but I’m an actor, I just read lines.

He knows you don’t reason with terrorists. You defeat them. He knows you can’t reason with people blinded by hate. They hate the power of the individual. They hate the progress of women. They hate the religious freedom of others. They hate the liberating breeze of democracy. But ladies and gentlemen, their hate is no match for America’s decency.

“liberating breeze”???
they hate the progress of women and so do we! Girlie men!
They hate our religion and we hate theirs!
“liberating breeze”?

We’re the America that sends out Peace Corps volunteers to teach village children. We’re the America that sends out missionaries and doctors to raise up the poor and the sick. We’re the America that gives more than any other country, to fight aids in Africa and the developing world. And we’re the America that fights not for imperialism but for human rights and democracy.

“We’re the America that gives more than any other country, to fight aids in Africa and the developing world.” That’s an outright lie. and something like 30% of our anti-AIDS money is going to abstinence only programs. Not for teenages. For adults in Africa. Remaining abstinant for their entire lives. That’s what we’re telling them. Because anything that limits the number of brown people is good.

You know, when the Germans brought down the Berlin Wall, America’s determination helped wield the sledgehammers. When that lone, young Chinese man stood in front of those tanks in Tiananmen Square, America’s hopes stood with him. And when Nelson Mandela smiled in election victory after all those years in prison, America celebrated, too.

Um, didn’t we extend most favored nation trade status to China right after that? and didn’t we back apartheid for years and years? and, um, wow, this speech is mostly untrue, isn’t it?